this ugly yet beautiful world

these words are my own... (valentine's)

2007-02-14T15:29:00.000-06:00

Singles Awareness Day (S.A.D.) has arrived, but i'm sure most of you know this day as Valentine's Day. If somehow you have forgotten, you may have JUST enough time to buy that special someone a gift... I suggest Valentine's Fortune Cookies.

Valentine's day can be a really tough day for a lot of people. Some couples have no idea what to give to their significant other... I'm sure for them that can be a daunting task... however for those of us that don't have someone to snuggle with today other problems arise. Perhaps you have been dreading this day because it reminds you of how alone you feel. Maybe you are too nervous to ask someone to be your Valentine. Maybe you did ask, and they were creeped out. Maybe you've recently been hurt and this day brings back unwanted memories. Maybe this day gets you upset because you feel as though "the Man" is commercializing Love and trying to replace it with chocolates and dancing robotic animals singing, "Wild Thing".

Whether you are happily single, recovering from a break-up, looking for that special someone, in a new relationship, in a strong, long lasting relationship, or even married there is something that I hope you remember.

God loves you. He loves you SO much. He sent His son to die on the cross for all of our sins. He wants to be an active part of your life. No matter what you are feeling on this day, Jesus is waiting with His arms open ready to comfort and show us an everlasting, unconditional love.

I hope you remember that today, tomorrow, and for the rest of your life. If you ever want to know more or just talk about life, talk to me... I WILL make time for you.

I want to share with you a Bible verse that was sent to me the other day. ..

“Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.”
Isaiah 40:28-31

I also want to challenge you today. There are so many people hurting everywhere. On this day that we celebrate love, I beseech you to show love. In John 13:34-35, Jesus says, "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." Show love to your friends, show love to other students, to teachers, to complete strangers, to the people you are always around, to the people you can't stand, to everyone. A little bit of love goes a long way, longer than you may ever see the benefits of.

To whoever reads this and even those who don't, I'll be praying for you today. I hope you have an amazing day and I love you.

JP

1 John 3:18
“Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.”

P.S. "His timeless truth is always timely." - From a letter I received the other day.

if you think you belong enough...

2007-02-06T04:04:00.000-06:00

[just as well, just as well, just as well]

nice dream, nice dream
nice dream, nice dream
--

have you ever had a dream that you didnt want to wake up from? I'm not asking if you were too tired to get up. I'm asking that the dream you were having felt so real, so right, you didnt want it to end.

last night, I had a dream. in that dream, i knew i was asleep and dreaming, but everything around me was great. relationships were perfect. friendships were perfect. and we were all happy. I'm not even sure that we had a certain goal, but we were just running around having fun.

i woke up for a little bit but i didnt want to leave the dream so i went back to sleep. when i went back things were different. the doubts that plague my mind from time to time bothered me in my dreams. i think it may have been the nyquil in my system.

I got a call from Pine Cove a few hours ago and they asked me some more questions and asked to see my photography. Which makes me excited... I had to update my website real quick and upload the pictures i've been taking recently which I have yet to mention on here, but I imagine i'll write about them soon. I'm still praying that God take full control of this and that if Pine Cove is where I should be, that He would open the doors and if it's not, close the doors. I cant worry about it all, so I'm making sure i lift everything to Him.

I'm starting to get sleepy...

will you listen...

2007-01-28T03:19:00.000-06:00

there's a bunch of stuff that I need to catch you up...

1.Laptop
2.Painting Elevators
3.Procrastination
4.1984

1. Laptop
Well, I'm kind of ashamed because I know one of my new years resolutions was to write in my blog more... however Gateway has had my laptop for the past few weeks... so needless to say I havent been able to. But I have it now, and so I hope to be blogging much more frequently now.

2.Painting Elevators
Wow. God can really pull people together. Keith, Melissa, Mallory, Tanner, Ryan, Maury, Tanner, Josh, Vince, Paige, and I painted the Woods hall elevator Saturday night. It's interesting though because the group is a mixture of very artistic people and people with less art experience. I say it's interesting because everyone helped out some way. We even had mini painting lessons during the time we were there (showing people how to draw tears, correctly paint, etc). We met at 10pm and painted till almost 2am. As you can imagine, the art department is a pretty dark part of campus because of the lack of respresentation of Christ. the goal for this was to bring some light into this side of campus as well as to reach some people by sharing Christ through art. I hope and pray that it lasts for a very long time, but even if people paint over it, even if people distort it, I hope God is able to use the art to reach at the very least one person. (I actually checked yesterday after hearing some stuff... and some people def. painted over a few of the verses, which is saddening but I still have hope that it may have reached one person.)

3.Procrastination
Tonight at Bible study, we talked about Procrastination/Lazyness... which is actually one of the topics I had suggested we talk about. It's funny how procrastination and lazyness is something that so many college students have in common. I know for sure that it's a major struggle of mine. I think I'm so easy to fall into it because I'm usually pretty care-free. So there are times that I am SO care-free that I just decide to not ________. (you can fill that blank with whatever... study, call people back, write papers, read my Bible, etc.) And really that's pretty sad, I mean, I have so much to be thankful for but I put off spending time with God and furthering my relationship with my Savior because i'm tired or for whatever reason. So I am trying to get my act together and I want you to pray for me that I will.

4.1984
I finished1984 by George Orwell for the second-time. Really, this should be the real first time because the last time i read i just breezed through it quickly. It's a great book and you should read it... though I warn you that it's a bit sketchy and def. not a happy book... but it's SO interesting and almost scary when you think about how it's almost possible for it to become a reality.

---------
there's a few more things i need to catch you up on... but i'm so tired i'll do it later... oh, crap... there's that procrastination again...

it's this scene that leaves you cold...

2007-01-09T00:49:00.000-06:00

i'm going to miss these skies... my last day in memphis. i leave tomorrow for school.

the last thing i did with any friend in memphis was with Cole and we went to go see Blood Diamond. it was a really well-made movie, it's hard to say "i enjoyed it" because there was so much suffering in the movie... the whole time there's just this really heavy mood and a lot of it is hard to watch... and when the movie was over, i just had this lump in my throat that eventually went away after having to drink some water. the movie made me thankful for what i have. i can complain and rant... but there are times that my life could be a lot worse...

a brief goodbye to Cole since he's going to france for the semester... when i'm back at school, it'll be weird to think he's not going to be 45 minutes away in Bham.

but i'm going to keep on running head-on through the semester... trying not to let things slow me down...

I just pray that God leads me down His path and that i wont lose sight of Him.

i'm going to miss these skies...

bad day...

2007-01-07T23:45:00.000-06:00

Throughout the years - January 7:

bits and pieces from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/January_7

Events

1610 - Galileo Galilei observes the four largest moons of Jupiter for the first time. He named them and in turn the four are called the Galilean moons.
1782 - The first American commercial bank opens (Bank of North America).
1797 - The current flag of Italy is first used.
1904 - The distress signal "CQD" is established only to be replaced two years later by "SOS."
1927 - First transatlantic telephone call - New York City to London.
1927 - The Harlem Globetrotters play their first game.
1990 - The Leaning Tower of Pisa is closed to the public due to safety concerns.
1999 - The impeachment trial of President Bill Clinton begins.

births

1 BC (O.S.) - Jesus of Nazareth, central figure of Christianity, (date celebrated by Eastern Orthodox churches as Christmas)
1800 - Millard Fillmore, 13th President of the United States (d. 1874)
1957 - Katie Couric, American television host
1964 - Nicolas Cage, American actor
1977 - Dustin Diamond, American actor

deaths

1536 - Catherine of Aragon, first wife of Henry VIII of England (b. 1485)
1913 - Jack Boyle, baseball player (b. 1866)
1919 - Henry Ware Eliot American industrialist and philantropist (b. 1843)
1920 - Edmund Barton, first Prime Minister of Australia (b. 1849)
1943 - Nikola Tesla, Serbian-born inventor and electrical engineer (b. 1856)

holidays

Catholicism - Feast day of St. Raymond of Peñafort.
Christmas Day in the Julian calendar. This is the day on which Christmas is celebrated in Oriental Orthodox Churches.
European traditional - Distaff day: women's traditional work begins again after Epiphany.
Japan - Nanakusa (Seven Herbs Festival).

oh yeah... and my birthday.

till next time 3.0

2007-01-06T02:22:00.000-06:00

every once in awhile i compile a cd for my friends at home. a compilation entitled "Til Next Time"

I decided I would start posting up the song lists because these are all songs i enjoy and that you might want to look up.

Till Next Time - January '07 (#3)
1. Augustana - Boston
2. Lazlo Bane - Superman
3. Snow Patrol - Chocolate
4. Rihanna - SOS (rescue me)
5. Paramore - Conspiracy
6. Bjork - All is Full of Love
7. Finger Eleven - One Thing
8. The Cure - Friday I'm in Love
9. Kristian Stanfill - Jesus Paid it All
10. Paramore - Hallelujah
11. Thrice - For Miles
12. Stars - Soft Revolution
13. Len - Steal My Sunshine
14. Kutless - All of the Words
15. Everclear - Father of Mine
16. Flyleaf - Red Sam
17. Andrew Bird - Fake Palindromes
18. Foo Fighters - Everlong
19. Underoath - Some will Seek Forgiveness, Others Escape
20. Vedera - The Falling Kind

I hope you get a chance to listen to these!

it's friday, i'm in love...

2007-01-05T23:59:00.000-06:00

so a week or two ago I had an idea.

I decided to put together a half-surprise birthday party. you see, my birthday is this upcoming Sunday (the 7th) and normally i dont enjoy celebrating my birthday but here is where the twist comes in... one of my best friends, Cole, is going to be in France this next semester. His birthday happens to be in February and he'll be overseas and we're all going to be in school. So the surprise half of the party was for him.

Cole just thought we were going to be celebrating my birthday... but when he came through the door, he had NO idea what was going on... it was awesome.

Some of our friends couldnt make it, but most of them were able to and i had a lot of fun. we ate little ceasars pizza, we had a pinata (which i decapitated), pin the tail on the donkey, cake, hung out, watch MI3... and some other stuff...

something that made me pretty happy was that we were able to take group pictures... somehow these past years i have failed in ever taking a group picture... but we have one now... i just need to get it developed.

thinking about it, i think i know why i enjoyed it so much... you see, i normally do not like celebrating my birthday... personal reasons... anyways, because it was a split party and there was someone else who i was sharing in all the festivities with... things just seemed so much better. i felt i could relax. i dont know why i feel pressure or anxiety on my birthday but today was different.

i enjoyed the party, cole enjoyed the surprise party, and i think everyone else did.

:)

these are some pictures that emily c. took... hopefully she doesnt mind me using them here for the time being...

these are my friends...

(i dont care if monday's blue
tuesday's gray and wednesday too
thursday i dont care about you
it's friday, i'm in love...)

i can make my first steps...

2007-01-01T23:49:00.000-06:00

i suppose i'll start off the year by telling you this years resolutions... normally i dont make them, usually my reasoning is that most people do not keep resolutions past a few weeks.

this time, it'll be different. change is possible and i'm going to chase after it.

JP's Official 2007 Resolutions are as follows:
1. Be Healthier
this entails: excercising atleast one a day, working out every week, and generally eating healthier

2. Reading my Bible everyday
constant spiritual growth is what i'm aiming at.

3. Blog more often.
i think it's important for me to remember what i've written and felt in the past. i dont want to forget. and in case i am stricken with amnesia at some point... hopefully i'll find my way here.

What i'm sharing with you next was written by the guy who heads To Write Love On Her Arms... I thought it was a great letter of hope. so I hope if you read it you are inspired.

You are brighter than the fireworks that paint the sky at midnight.

Something happens at midnight. Or something is supposed to, right?

I think the big idea is change. The thing we want to believe is that things can change, things can be new, that at midnight it might be possible to leave some things behind. Start over. Hope. New.

I know it isn't simple, that we live with broken stuff that doesn't just vanish with the stroke of a clock. I know we need more than a moment. But I like that the world celebrates this moment. I believe that right now, millions of people are also celebrating hope. Some don't even realize it but they are smiling at the possibility that 2007 can be the best year of their life.

I have tasted a few different versions of New Year's. I have known it laughing with friends. I have known it alone with pain. Five years ago, this was one of my darkest nights. I didn't know how to let go. I had never known that life could hurt so much.

But changes come. I just want to say that wherever you're at tonight, or when you read this, right now... that there is hope. That you are loved. That you are not alone. That 2007 can be the best year of your life. That the world is broken and scary but it's also huge and beautiful and all of that means endless possibilities, endless opportunities. You were made with a purpose. You are a part of a bigger story of hope and change and you have a part to play.

You are brighter than the fireworks that paint the sky at midnight. You matter even more.

Hope and change. Welcome to 2007.
Happy New Year.
jamie

From "Long December" by the Counting Crows:
A long December and there's reason to believe,
maybe this year will be better than the last.

From "New Year's Day" by U2:
Say it's true, it's true... And we can break through.
Though torn in two, we can be one.
I, I will begin again. I, I will begin again.

Happy New Year

albino blueberry...

2006-12-31T00:00:00.000-06:00

here's a list (in no particular order) of five things that you should look up if you get a chance

1. Kidrobot's Dunny
Randomly, I got one of these awesome Dunny figures for Christmas. I happened to get this one dunny (bunny) that looks like a thief and comes with a money bag (pictured). I started looking for them online and they're cheap but what's cool are the designs that you can find. Most of them are just plain cool lookin.
Kidrobot Dunny Series 3

2. Cary Brothers
You have to listen to this Indie rocker, nashville native. You may have already heard him on both the Garden State and The Last Kiss soundtracks... or have even seen him perform on the awesome show Scrubs. If you can only check out one song, you have to listen to his song, "blue eyes"... and "honestly"... (I know I said one song but... you just gotta hear him out.)
Great sound.
Cary Brothers Official website

3. Augustana
While we're on the topic of music, you might as well check out this band. Their music is nice to listen to... in fact you should watch their video for their single Boston, which also happens to be my favorite Augustana song.

4.Book of James
This was the book we finished last semester in my bible study. This book is majorly applicable for daily life and its hard to just put this one book away. It covers trials, faith, the tongue, wisdom, reliance on God, boasting, and more. It was an interesting book to go over and I suggest you read it atleast once, if you already havent. And probably my favorite verses from James...
Speak and act as those who are going to be jusdged by the law that gives freedom, because judgement without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgement!
(2:12-13)

5.www.clearification.com
I heard about this website from some friends at Pour Cafe in tuscaloosa. It was made by the comedian Demitri Martin. The main feature of the website are a series of 6 webisodes about Demitri going to the Institute for Advanced Personhood. However the best part of the website is listening to all his "thoughts" while in the menus (or choosing which one to listen to by clicking on 'thoughts' in the menu bar). His 'thoughts' are pretty much jokes you would hear in stand-up comedy but it's like he's personally talking to you. It's hilarious go check it out.
http://clearification.com/

If you look any of these up I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.
If you got any questions just talk to me.

remember to breathe...

2006-12-20T15:17:00.000-06:00

i dont know if you know about all the Bellevue controversies... if you are from the memphis area or know someone from memphis you might have heard about it. in context with this post it doesnt matter if you know about the scandals or not. i would point you to a website but all i've heard or read has been generally biased one way or the other.

at this time there are a lot of problems and accusations, a lot of it has been stirred up by angry people or by the grapevine and so it's hard to know what the truth is and what was just a rumor. one thing i have noticed when i hear people talk about the scandals and the people who may be involved, all they do is complain and say, "[this or that person] should leave the church/resign"

I have yet to hear from one person, "we should help [this or that person]"... if some of the allegations are true, then yeah there has been a lot of stuff that is totally inappropriate. However I dont think kicking them out or making them resign will really solve anything... sure we'll get new people and bellevue will be restored to it's pedestal (slight sarcasm)... it'll just be a temporary solution to a secondary problem. i think as Christ followers we should really invest our time in the lives of everyone... that even goes for anyone who has wronged us personally or the church.

I think we are forgetting how we are sinners just like everyone else. just because they were in the church administration doesnt make any difference. they are broken people. i'm a broken person. I hope people would help me. we should help them. If i ever understand the whole situation (not just hearsay) and i get the opportunity, i will do my best to help out or point in the direction of someone who is more qualified. Maybe stronger accountability is needed, i dont know, but whatever it is... i want to help.

at this time let's lift up this problem to Jesus. He has conquered the world and is in control of all of this. Let's pray for Bellevue, it's members/administration/leaders and that through all of this Christ is glorified and through His will, let's show the world what it's like to be Christians even when things may seem chaotic.

that's what i think.

if you lived here you'd be home now...

2006-12-19T14:20:00.000-06:00

It's nice to come back home after you've been away from it for so long. Honestly I havent done anything incredibly productive while i've been here... I mean, i've done some fun stuff, i've hung out with my much-missed friends, drawn a little bit, taken some pictures, played some nintendo, watched scrubs (i'm on the 3rd season now... it's so funny)... but you know - i havent even thought of preparing for school or for anything. It's nice to be back home... to always have some food in the fridge or in a cabinet... to have a big warm bed ready for naps.

OK, home isnt perfect. there are many things that i wish i could forget... but all of that doesnt matter. Things here used to be regular and routine... and though i like being at college, it's a great feeling to be back... to remember those days.

To me being home is like watching old reruns on TV. Everything seems so familiar but no matter how many times i've seen it, i wouldnt dare change the channel.

Speaking of channels, nintendo released their weather forecast channel for the nintendo wii. It's pretty cool. If you have a wii, you should update it when you get a chance.

I'm no superman...

2006-12-14T04:58:00.000-06:00

I dont watch that much tv. I also rarely get hooked into series... so what this means is that for me to say that this show has gotten me hooked means that you gotta see this show. Of course i'm talking about the show... Scrubs

I caught a few episodes while studying for my exams and I could not stop laughing... it actually was a bad distraction HOWEVER I started to watch the series from the beginning and i'm on the 9th episode of the 1st season and it has been such a joy to watch. Most of the jokes are very clever and these characters are really interesting to watch.

The theme song is short, but I got a hand on the full version of Lazlo Bane's Superman... it's such a catchy song. I suggest you find it. BUT incase you cant, you can watch the low quality music video for this song...

The theme song really fits very well with the shows general mood. It's pretty light-hearted but all of the characters have some kind of obstacle that is getting in their way. They are no superman--they cant save every life, they are going to make mistakes.

It's a really funny show and most every episode leaves you with a warm feeling inside. Find it on your local listings and check it out.

you'll be given love...

2006-12-12T22:04:00.000-06:00

Bjork is really weird... however she has some really enjoyable songs. The song that I want you to go listen to right now, is Bjork's All is Full of Love. Though I don't really agree entirely with this song, there's def. some cool lyrics and the sound of the song is very soothing. It's def. worth checking out even if you dont like Bjork.

All is Full of Love
You'll be given love
You'll be taken care of
You'll be given love
You have to trust it

Maybe not from the sources
You have poured yours

Maybe not
From the directions
You are
Staring at

Twist your head around
It's all around you
All is full of love
All around you

All is full of love
You just ain't receiving
All is full of love
Your phone is off the hook
All is full of love
Your doors are all shut
All is full of love

All is full of love...

My favorite part of the song is:

You'll be given love
Maybe not from the sources
You have poured yours
Maybe not
From the directions
You are
Staring at

i think that's a pretty true statement. we as fallen people put our lives into many different things and a lot of the time they arent the things we should be loving. I'd say that the only right place to put our love into is trying to be more like Christ and following Him through all our trials and upsets. And by loving Christ, our love IN Him will then spread to the other areas of our lives and then we can love people by showing others God's love.

so anyways, i'm going to put this song on my radioblog soon... so you guys can check that out when it gets there... or listen to the song by some other means. You can also watch the video by clicking the "play" button below. Warning: the video is a tad sketchy...

can't say I'm sad to see you go...

2006-12-10T14:12:00.000-06:00

I've got pretty much three more days until I'm done with the semester. I've just got to make it through the last days and i'll be home on Thursday. i guess we'll see if i make it.

I will summarize what you've missed since my last entry:

study, study, study...
I got my nintendo wii and the game Red Steel. It's a lot of fun, but because of school I havent really had the opportunity to play much...
I started up drawing again during my breaks...
the weather has been cold and windy... it's felt so good.
i'm not so bad at poker...
i made wassail... mmm.. wassail = Christmas in a mug

I guess that's about it... not too exciting but still...

I've been really busy with studying however I was able to get an awesome day off this past friday. Well, I studyed in the day time, however that night Calvary had a progressive dinner. It was so good, we had just about every appetizer you could think of at one house, then we had the main course at the seller's house--dinner consisted of lasana, salad, bread and some apple cider! We then went back to the FLC center for desserts and again it was all very good. I did a lot of well-needed socializing...

THEN after that I headed over to Deuce-One for their Christmas party. A great party with cookies, a bon-fire, apple cider, and fun. I met a lot of cool people and talked to some old friends. I broke out my camera since i havent been able to take pictures for awhile...

so friday was pretty much the best day ever.

or well, close to it.

what's written on my heart...

2006-11-15T15:45:00.000-06:00

Flyleaf just keeps on surprising me. They have so many different versions of their songs that it just makes me happy. One of my favorite songs by them is "I'm So Sick" and normally when I play the album version of this song for people and I tell them that this is a Christian band people always get kinda confused and ask, "Should a Christian be saying they feel worthless, hopeless, and sick?"

Well on 3/31/06 at Off The Wagon, Lacey Mosely prefaced this song by saying,

"I don't know if any of you guys have noticed but sometimes this world can be a sick and messed up place. I dont know what kind of home you grew up in but there are a lot of people who grow up in sick and messed up homes. There was a girl on the internet i was talking to the other day and her name, her screenname is "My friends are God's apology for my family." I thought that was really sad but it's true and that's the whole point is that, you know, just because you grow up in a sick and messed up place you can recognize it's messed up and you can change it and you can break the cycle and that is what this song is about..."

and Flyleaf Online's FAQ quotes Lacey on the radio saying,

"I'm So Sick is about how the world can sometimes be a sick and messed up place and how that influences us and tells us how we should live or who we should be. People do things just 'cause everyone else does and then they wonder why they feel empty all the time. Someone who has a firm stance in what they know to be true will empower empty followers to discover who they are as individuals with purposes and this creates leaders with voices of their own."

You can listen to the Flyleaf album version on the radio.blog in the right hand column by clicking on the song. There are a few changes between the album version and the EP version. Instead of " You sink into my clothes (album)" it's "You sink into my thoughts (EP)" there are also some other changes but on the EP version there are Two stanzas that are not in the album version at all... but here's the lyrics to I'm So Sick on the Flyleaf EP:

I'm So Sick
I will break
Into your thoughts
With what's written on my heart
I will break

You broke into my thoughts
This invasion makes me feel
Worthless, hopeless, sick
I'm so sick

If you want
More of this
We can push out, sell out, die out
So you'll shut up
And stay sleeping
With my screaming in your itching ears

I'm so sick
Infected with
Where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss, selfishness
Let me live

Hear it
I'm screaming it
You're heeding to it now

You broke into my thoughts
This invasion makes me feel
Worthless, hopeless, sick
I'm so sick

I'm so sick
Infected with
Where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss, selfishness
Let me live

I reveal
What you steal from
All of us
We take it back
We take it back

You broke into my thoughts
This invasion makes me feel
Worthless, hopeless, sick
I'm so sick

But I heal
With this story always working
Constant purpose
But I heal
I won't compromise and I heal

Well by listening or reading either version of the song, you can see the general message is the same. The world is such a sick place that it even creeps into our thoughts. It changes the way we think we should behave or dress, the way we perceive others, the way we perceive ourselves, what we think we need, what it means to be successful, everything. Personally, I know that most of the time the world has effected the way I think about myself. I think I need to please everyone and when I'm dont, I get angry at myself and I get sad that i'm not "better" or like this or that other person. That's something that I struggle with majorly. So when I hear this song I get happy because someone knows what I've felt. I realize what the world has done to me and how i've let it get to me and how sick I feel when I understand that.

Now, there is one major difference in the Album vs. EP versions. The EP version has these two awesome stanzas in there that give a little bit more hope than the Album version does. Particularly the second of the two stanzas, which ends the song, says something awesome,

But I heal
With this story always working
Constant purpose
But I heal
I won't compromise and I heal

So, I may be "worthless, hopeless, sick" but I'm getting better. I'm not going to compromise what I know is true, what I believe and I'm going to get better.

All of this reminds me of a few verses one in particular John 16:33

33"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

You might also want to look at 1 John 5:1-12. Verse 5 says,

5Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.

So now what? Well listen to people, and if you find someone who's really getting caught up in the world, Christian or not, or maybe they're feeling overwhelmed, hopless, or tired of it all... love them. It's like that song we sing at the Well sometimes, Light of the World, let King Jesus "Shine, breathe, live through us" Share and spread God's love and mercy like we have all been shown. And one of my favorite verses from all time:

12Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, 13because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!
James 2:12-13

Know that I'll be praying for you, whoever reads this, that the world doesnt bring you down and that you find hope in Christ Jesus who has overcome this sick place we live in and that you can rise above it also.

reinventing my exit...

2006-11-12T18:29:00.000-06:00

By the way, I have a new website layout... click the pic to check it out.

I still have a TON of stuff to add... and there are still going to be a few things that need to be changed... however... i like this layout sooo.. I hope you like it and maybe more people will actually go to my website if I update it more often...

to write love on her arms...

2006-11-06T23:26:00.000-06:00

because for some reason i havent posted it here...

To Write Love on Her Arms (watch the video)
I would suggest pausing the music in the right hand column before starting the video...

It's a great movement of love to help those who are struggling with depression, cutting, as well as other things... They are not really affilliated with any specific church but in their FAQS they have a response to that:

Q:Is TWLOHA Christian?
A. We feel that the story (and the rest of this project) speaks for itself. Identifying something (such as a band, store, venue or project) as "Christian" often alienates those outside of the church/christian culture and we don't want to do that. TWLOHA aims to be inclusive and inviting. This is a project for all people. This is a project for broken people, and it is led by broken people.

I can understand why they would decide to do that, but you can tell even by their story that they are not leaving Christ out of the picture:

"It is unspoken and there are only a few of us, but we will be her church, the body of Christ coming alive to meet her needs, to write love on her arms."

The video above is only a glimpse of the true story of renee and where TWLOHA is right now.

i'm all for it. I want to help. If you are interested... go visit their websites at:

http://twloha.com/
or
http://www.myspace.com/towriteloveonherarms

even if you dont want to necessarily help THIS org...
help people who are going through depression and other hard times by showing them love. and not just any love, the love of Christ that's in us and that we should be sharing with the world.

May the Mind of Christ, My Savior

2006-11-05T16:00:00.000-06:00

for those wondering what i've had written of my arm the past couple of days...
----
May the Mind of Christ, My Savior
May the mind of Christ, my Savior,
Live in me from day to day,
By His love and power controlling
All I do and say.

May the Word of God dwell richly
In my heart from hour to hour,
So that all may see I triumph
Only through His power.

May the peace of God my Father
Rule my life in everything,
That I may be calm to comfort
Sick and sorrowing.

May the love of Jesus fill me
As the waters fill the sea;
Him exalting, self abasing,
This is victory.

May I run the race before me,
Strong and brave to face the foe,
Looking only unto Jesus
As I onward go.

May His beauty rest upon me,
As I seek the lost to win,
And may they forget the channel,
Seeing only Him.
---
This is one of my favorite hymns, not because the words are just amazing, but because you can also look at this as a prayer. Each stanza has something that we should all strive to be and it's a wonderful reminder of what I want to be. I write it on my arm so that I can have a constant reminder to watch what I say and what I think about. It's also awesome because people ask me what's written there so I get a chance to share with them...

so yeah i hope you're having a great day.

some flowers just bloom dead...

2006-10-25T22:23:00.000-05:00

Now in another world
I could learn to forget
But 'til then I'm here
making room for new regrets
Now some flowers they never bloom
And some flowers just bloom dead

Fall break was great, and i cant really describe it in words so i suggest you just look at the pictures i uploaded onto facebook. (i'm glad I got to see a couple of faces that really made me laugh)

What I am about to say is something that i wish to shout from the mountain tops, but because tuscaloosa's mountainous areas are just too much to handle, how about here and now:

DONT ASK, "HOW ARE YOU?" IF YOU DO NOT REALLY WANT AN ANSWER!*
*(in this case, caps lock really does mean i'm shouting)

Lately people have been throwing it into conversations as though it doesnt mean anything, and leaving me about to pour my soul out to them. i find it to be very misleading and leaves me confused when people will say,"how are you, JP?" and immediately walk away in fluid motion.

honestly, it's makin me wonder who really cares, or even basically, "does anyone care?" You may be thinking that it would be easy to come up with an answer... but i'm still trying to figure it out. it makes me sad, sometimes i think people generally care... but i'm growing more and more cynical because you don't.

if you dont mean it, dont even bring it up.

Now, you may just reply back and say, "JP, "how are you" has become an expression similarly used like a common "hello," you are over reacting." or as many of you have already pointed out, "JP, you are being emo..."
and then i'm going to follow that up by having to back hand slap you.

oh yeah and these whole "leave a memory" notes are getting very annoying.

i'm feeling lost inside the low...

2006-10-16T06:24:00.000-05:00

If you have been keeping up with me at all since last year, one thing that you may know about me is that though i have a few passions, i really have no clue what i want to do with my life. More importantly, i dont know what God wants me to do with my life.

really i just pray it's not a regular office job, because i might just go insane

so on my mind and heart has been missions... now, if you have read my entry from Oct 5, you might know that i'm just afraid that i may not be ready and that i feel under qualified to be a missionary or involved with missions at all. (Side note: dont worry if you havent read it, cause i'm just going to take a stab at it and say that 95% of my friends dont read my blog)

I Thessalonians 5:24, "The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it."

this I Thessalonian verse was read at the Well, a week ago (i think). anyways, ive really been giving this verse a lot of thought. because i think the problem really is that i may be a little too selfish because here i am afraid that i may go on a summer mission trip and mess everything up. But what i'm forgetting is that God is in control. He may be calling me to do missions, but whether or not i think i'm ready is not the point... the point is that He will use me and He will do it. i just need to give everything to God, because He's gonna use whatever happens to His glory.

if you tarry till you're better you will never come at all (Hymn: Come, Ye Sinners, Poor and Needy)

I pray so that He can help guide me into the path He wants me to go and so i can become the Christ-follower He wants me to be. He may or may not want me in missions, He may have something even better planned... i dont know the answer for that right now... but i'm going to ask you to pray for me too... or just keep me in mind... it would be encouraging to know there are people thinking of me and also investing a little time (even if it's a simple prayer) to help me and keep me accountable along God's path.

----
A few blog notes: I added a blog radio on the right column, feel free to leave a note to suggest a song to add or just enjoy the music i've already put on there. All the songs are full songs, so if after a few seconds, if it just stops and moves on to the next song, it probably means you have a slow internet connection and it cant keep up with the song. so what you should do then is wait a few seconds and then reclick the selected song for it to play. Sorry if it doesnt work correctly...

one sweet day, you're gonna drown in my lost pain...

2006-10-10T21:40:00.000-05:00

Remind me to never stay up all night to then go to class early in the morning... i mean i guess the brightside is that i now i have a vague idea of what it's like to be sleep deprived. You see, because of my foolish procrastination I found myself staying up writing a prep speech outline on "Drugs in Rave Culture," as well as an english research paper, " Video Game Violence," and then studying for a test that I had the class after those two obstacles.

My public speaking was a sinch. My teacher was sick so we ended class after about 20-30 minutes of class. I turned in my outline and things were all good.

Right before going into my english class, Caroline reminded me that we had to have three copies of our paper so with 15 minutes to spare i scrambled to find the nearest copy machine. It ends up that the closest one was at Gorgas Library; for some reason it makes sense in my mind to have a copy machine in the English department... but i guess that's out of my hands. We did peer reviews and things were all good.

I ate lunch with Keith, Brett, Molly, and co. This was about the time that my sleep deprivation had started to become an ailment. Everything had been fine until... my head started to hurt like i was getting a headache... but not quite a headache... it was more or less just uncomfortable... then I started to feel nauseated. My stomach was curling in itself as though my abdomen had become a manual butter churner... (you know, one of those old wooden inventions from the colonial days?) it sucked. But i went to the SUPe store and bought my test booklets and headed to class. I started to wonder if I threw up during my test if they'd let me retake it. hah... but I get to class to find out my teacher has moved the test over a week. ... are you kidding me? would it have hurt to let the students know? maybe if i had known that i didnt have a test i would get an inkling of sleep. but, no.

jerk.

oh, well.

so i meant to go to the BCM today... but I kinda fell into a little nap and woke up about 30min after it finished so ... oops. I meant to introduce myself to a few people that i see all the time. but i guess it's okay that i didnt. as i say, "let's try to not burden the masses..." ok so i may not actually say that often or at all... but doesnt make it any less true.

Next week, thursday/friday, fall break.
i'm going home. 3 people may come with.
(nice dream)

outscreaming these lies...

2006-10-05T19:25:00.000-05:00

hi reader,

how's the world treating you these days?

if good, go to A.
if bad, go to B.

A: well i suppose some of us better be...

B: it happens... but maybe you'll once you get past it things will probably amazing! Go pray or read the Bible... just not ecclesiastes...

You know lately, God has really been trying to speak to me... no matter whether I'm at church, life groups, BCM. Everything that's said has normally been relevant to either what i've been thinking of or a conversation i've had with someone... it's pretty cool. I've been really thinking of missions lately but i dont really know if i'm ready or not, you know? like i feel as though i need to go and take some test to see if i'm qualified... i dont think there is one... but it would be easier if there was one...

I've been meeting a lot of seemingly friendly people recently... i say "seemingly" cause i really dont know them yet and i'm hoping they are not just "fair-weather" friends... Some are really good Christians and I want to share with them but i'm just kinda waiting for an opportunity. but i dont know... if history proves to be anything... we probably wont be friends... or atleast not for very long...

20 years of sleep,
before we sleep
forever

I can feel you all around me...

2006-09-19T20:44:00.000-05:00

Sooo... i guess i dont have to say that school has been tough, as you can probably see from my last post that, well, it's been a while...

I've got so much to do this week, but what better to do than just talk about how much i have to do and skip out on the work! Procrastination- It's what I do best..

TO DO:
Write/memorize speech, due thursday
Write paper, due thursday
Design Newsletter/Flyer thing for BCM, no real due date
Photoshoot with The Upside, sometime
Design Logo for The Upside, sometime
Need to work on my stagnant website
Pour, thursday
5 min (atleast) of quiet time, everyday
DREAM, ALL THE TIME

Good things:
Mondays now have something to redeem itself... and me... i guess. My Bible study from Calvary is awesome. It's a good group of guys and we're going over the book of James. Everything is def. applicable to everyday life and I really want to grow, so i know that God will use this opportunity to help me as well as possibly use that time for me to share with others my testimony...

People have been taking notice to my photography which maybe God will use it for His plan or maybe, He wants me to use it in the future... I dont know, I suppose I still dont really know what direction the Lord wants me to take... but I'm hoping photography might be involved...

DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE is coming to Bham and i already bought tickets to go see them on the 16th of November so AGH! i'm excited. I'm going with Spencer, Laine, Maggs, and Chela so it's going to be fun.

FLYLEAF is like the best band ever. I love them. and they need to come play in either bham or memphis or nashville, because I REALLY WANT TO SEE THEM LIVE!!! agh! (http://www.flyleafmusic.com/)

To Write Love On Her Arms, TWLOHA, is also awesome, It'd also be awesome if they came and some where close to me. I purchased one of their tshirts and I really want it to come in, cause it's a great cause and it's not bad a bad tshirt. (www.TWLOHA.com)

Bad Things:
There are many bad things going on but, you know, I almost dont want to talk about it, which is certainly a change... My hazelnut cappuccino is really good and I dont want to lose the moment.

the beast who shouted love to the world...

2006-08-17T15:13:00.000-05:00

---

The picture above would be my most recent deviation on the wonderful community that is, deviantART. The picture was hard to take, because since noone was there to help, I had to just guess the shot pretty much. I used my Minolta Maxxum5 with b/w film and my camera's timer. Once I hit the trigger I had to run onto this stool I had taken from my house so that the camera could get a good shot of the clouds.

I had to do some minimal photoshop editing...
1) Changed the hue
2) Edited the top some fence that made it into the picture (i took this in my backyard)
3) Edited a few streaks that the walgreens printing had left

So i didnt want to do to much editing... I may later try to later change some of the contrast to make the white of the clouds REALLY white... but for now i'm alright with this picture. I'll probably reshoot this one later...

...a few days till i leave for tuscaloosa... sigh....

everything is starting to die...

2006-08-12T02:59:00.000-05:00

+ 24 Hour Party
so the 2nd 24 Hour Party started... I arrived late because I took a nap. I was in the middle of a nightmare where I was driving and before passing through an intersection the railroad crossing lights started flashing but the cross guards werent working... so I didnt know if I should stop or not... I passed to find out that the whole intersection had become row after row of crossing railroad tracks... with lights for each rail I started driving through the endless tracks trying to find safety... but then Grant called me and saved me from my nightmare...

I was late and they were at McAlisters waiting for me. Eventually Cole, Grant, Emily, Stephen, Laura, and I went to Target and Wal-Mart in search of a hacky sack. After an awkward moment involving flailing hands... We left for Austin's house where most of our time was spent... People swam or got pushed into the pool, people ate dinner, watched a movie, played around, and then most everyone fell asleep...

I however did not... I let them sleep for awhile, until I thought it was about time that we start moving onto graceland too. people just kept wanting more sleep and I kept pushing more and more for people to get up. I sang jingles, told random facts, jokes to try and get them up but noone wanted to... I went into the other room... and that's when I realized I was being annoying...

Everyone was tired, and here I am annoying the crap out of everyone. I thought about it, I couldnt believe I was doing that. People have told me before how annoying and pestering I can be. I see now that's what they meant. I didnt want to be the cause of everyone's pain. I wanted people to have fun... so I eliminated the problem... i left. As I was getting my stuff, Laura asked where I was going... so i lied, i told her that because everyone was sleeping we werent going to need the things i brought so I was putting them in my car...

I walked outside to find that it was pouring... hard enough (with flooding) that I shouldnt go driving at 2:30 in the morning... but I went anyways, if my friends were going to have fun, i couldnt be around. So I drove off with low visibility and going about an avg of 20-35 miles an hour while text messaging Austin. He has been really friendly but after being hurt as often as i have, i wonder if it's genuine. He tried to get me to come back, however I couldnt face everyone now...

Anyways I got home and just went to bed. I'm not even sure if people stayed after that. Cole told me he got up at 4am and people were still sleeping, I think he said he left after that... so i dont know if people left or if they stayed for the rest of the 24 hour party... I wanted them to have fun - so that's why i left... so i hope they did.

i hope they can forgive me for being so annoying... how can they put up with someone like me? I cant stand myself.

how would i know, why should i care...

2006-08-02T01:09:00.000-05:00

So a lot of cool things have happened lately...

Well first, this is my last week at work and that's pretty freakin' awesome if I do say so myself.

Second, Elliott Davis stopped by Memphis and while he was in town Elliott, his cousin Sarah, and I hung out downtown. I had a lot more fun downtown then i normally do, I actually did a lot of touristy things though... But first, Elliott and Sarah quickly figured out that I have a problem with direction... haha.. i got lost so many times... whoops...

So anyways, we rode a horse carriage and it was a lot more interesting than i thought it would be, I had a lot of fun. We also were able to go on Beale Street which was surprising considering the police were already carding... (we asked if we could go, and they just let us through without question...) We stayed on Beale for a long time, we walked and looked into bars (because they were carding at the doors) and we watched people go by, and listened to a few bands and watched someone paint. It was a lot of fun... I have some pictures but they're not developed yet so hopefully i can get them printed soon.

Lastly, Monday night I was able to hang out with Austin Grisham, first we went to Sakura, this awesome amazing sushi place in germantown (it def. has the best sushi i've had). We then were unsure what to do but since we both like photography we started talking about it, so we came to the conclusion that we were going to take some pictures. We went to go buy some B/W film and we ran into Mrs. Cotten, which was really random but really cool. Austin showed me this really cool place that's above an interstate (i guess) and we started taking pictures of the traffic below us trying to get the result where you get a streaked light effect... but i figured out how to get my camera to keep it's shutter open which was cool. I'm glad we went cause he's really helping me improve and experiment in my photography. I can't wait to get this roll printed, but i have to finish the B/W.

so my most recent work of art is what i've been working on for my laptop cover. I already submitted it to http://www.schtickers.com - I should hopefully get it in by the end of the week. Here is what I sent in:

(click for full view)

I really like this piece, it's probably one of my favorites... i'm currently working on a different version of this. The Japanese on the left is read (from top to bottom, right column first) like,

"miageta yozora no hoshi-tachi no hikari

hikari-tsuzuke yo ano hoshi no you ni"

and it roughly means,

"look up at the light of the stars in the night sky
shine on, like that star"

So I think it's cool anyways...

well I' m on my way to bed and I'll come back in fix this post up tomorrow... goooooooooood night

For you i'm a pushover...

2006-07-27T23:28:00.000-05:00

So here i find myself (not having updated my blog in a little over a month) with not much to say...

but that's ok! i'm sure i'll just wing it!

Well since the last post i've started work back up at Mallory Alexander International Logistics as and intern where i do meaningless tasks of little importance and try to stay awake through the 8am to 5pm work schedule. Even after a year goes by NOTHING exciting happens there. I get so bored... but i have to just make it through one more week, because my last day is the 4th of August. Thus far I have earned roughly $400... not too shabby...

Now I would like to discuss something that I dont understand...
As you might be able to tell, I dont really like what I do for a summer job, i hate the hours and feel no fulfillment when the work is done... however, maybe it's just me or what i perceive from my co-workers, but noone seems to like what they are doing. All they do is complain about how much "blah blah blah -profanity- i hate working here, blah blah blah i cant wait to leave, blah blah blah i'm sneaking out early... etc..."
So this brings me to my point... WHAT IS UP WITH THE TRAFFIC!!!!!!!!!????????? I mean people are complete maniacs when heading to work, it's so crazy! what i dont understand is WHY ARE THEY IN SUCH A HURRY TO GET TO A PLACE THEY HATE SO MUCH!?!?!?!?!? When I was taking drivers ed, my teacher said that each person has about 200,000 (or so) almost crashes.... and now I believe it!
People need to just calm the heck down!

In other news, I've been listening to The Long Winters' new album Putting the Days Back to Bed... it's not bad, it's really growing on me, but so far, the best song is Pushover, maybe some more will latch on to me, but for now, i'm happy with that one song.

I usually like to try an put an image on every single post, but today i'm running a little short on images on my computer... so just wait...

ja mata!

where i end and you begin...

2006-06-21T06:40:00.000-05:00

you must think you are special
they talk about you with wonderful words
it leaves me motionless, empty
their acceptance is much greater for you
isnt it?
as their eyes focus on you
at the same time i feel them leaving me
i can only breathe the neglect in the air
its heavy under the shadow of the loved
they dont know who you can be
but ive felt the pain, your rejection
the same rejection from everyone
the ones i thought id have for myself
have found you to be greater
did you do this?
have i always been unappealing?
well i cant change
i cant change now
the ugly duck is still able to be a graceful swan
but what of the ugly swan?
what can it be but an ugly swan?
all thats real? inadequacy?
the hedgehog's dilemma
inept to be social because of you
you?
wooer of their affection
you?
deciever of truth
you?
you killed me
am i happy?
of course i am happy
am i happy?
i am happy
am i happy?
am i really happy?
am i happy?
no. no i'm not happy. i dont like this at all.
i am the one at fault
i understand why they hate me
i am dirty, sick
i do not compare
i only bring the dim light of disappointment
let down and hanging around
hysterical and useless
leave me
leave me to my dark shroud
leave me to my empty room
i am the beast that shouted love to the world
and was betrayed in return

it's always you we've waited on...

2006-06-15T04:33:00.000-05:00

so I have finally started reworking my website... you may be thinking... you have a website? You would be asking yourself that because I really havent updated in forever and not even mentioning that what it had on it was completely unfinished, with maybe 1 or 2 links updated.

well at this moment, I have pretty much completed 3 sections of the entire whole. I am currently working on the "friends" section of the website, it is going to really give me a headache... I have a lot to do... but I'll be working hard on it. It's one of my projects for the summer... so i know i'm going to finish it before school starts. Plus, once all the basics skeletons are set up, it really wont be hard to update it during school.

here is the latest website preview:

http://jrfranco.no-ip.com/jp/

please go visit my site!! LEAVE ME A MESSAGE ON MY SHOUTBOX!!!
tell me what you think! leave suggestions! please!!!

oh yeah, my summer is going great! :)

simple kind of life...

2006-05-07T22:52:00.000-05:00

Now all those simple things are simply too complicated for my life
How'd I get so faithful to my freedom?
A selfish kind of life
When all I ever wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life

This semester is almost over. I should be more honest- it's already over for me. As embarrassing as it is to say, I withdrew from the semester. every class. I jumped ship. You dont know the feeling, the embarrassment I feel when people ask me, "are you ready for your exams?" or "Good luck on your finals!" The embarrassment that comes when I tell them, "I withdrew." Who knows what they are thinking of me? That i'm a failure? That i'm lazy? They may be right, however i'm still ashamed. They dont know what i'm going through, the thoughts that have been cycling my mind, the pressure, the lack of motivation. Even if they say they do, I'll them not to belittle my experiences. My parents are pushing me to figure what I want to do, and at time trying to decide for me... all the while, different people telling me how good i am at different things and how i should pursue them. People are trapping me in the eye of storming ideas, a cyclone and i'm stuck in the middle. yes, i've prayed, and prayed, and prayed for direction. but I still have no idea. Lord God, what do I need to be doing?!?! It's frustrating - i'll look foolish... because i'm a failure in all eyes.

I've met some of my best friends this semester, people like Zach, Barrett, Josh, and Jordan... they're all such great friends, they have so much going on but they always get them done. I hope they come visit me when I'm home... they're going to be what i'll miss about Tuscaloosa. Though I do miss my friends from home, these guys have really made an impression on me. I look at them and I think that God sent them for me, so that I can see them and say maybe there is hope for me too. I dont look to the famous for inspiration, I'd rather look at the unpolished. I look at them and think, "maybe i'm not a failure." my actions prove otherwise... but i'm trying.

not about love...

2006-04-24T02:44:00.000-05:00

this is not about love
cause i am not in love
in fact, i can't stop falling out

Ok, something that seems to be the flavor of the week is the topic about how I do not appreciate displaying affection in any form. Now before you ask, yes, my parents did hug me as a child. Something that is not being taken in to account is that unlike everyone else, love/romance/dating has never been a priority of mine at all. This isn't different for me, i've always been this way. I dont need to be "cured" - this is not a disease.

To clear up any misunderstandings:
1. I'm not looking for love.
2. I'm not looking to get married.
(and before you ask questions...)
3. I'm def. not looking to have children. dont like 'em. dont want 'em.

Now, i can be perfectly honest and say that of course I have given thought to asking a few girls out... not once have i regretted not asking them out. I can be perfectly honest and say that after waiting I realized how much we would have clashed, how much things wouldnt have worked out. I mean, I'm glad i'm friends with them... but it really wouldnt have worked out. I require certain things from any potentials and if they're not met... I have no reason to settle.

Also, something that is getting around is that I dont like PDA. Yeah, I dont like it. I mean, as much as I love watching other people "in love" getting close to each other with various touchings, I dont. Hell, i'm happy for ya'll, glad things are going just swell... and I dont really mind the little stuff like hugging, really i dont mind... but i really dont want to see couples going at it. Go get a room, i find your groping and kissing obnoxious, keep it in private.

If "love" comes for me, if anything is supposed to happen... then it'll need to find me. God may have someone in stored for me - then again He may not, and i'm ok with that.

And though this is getting a little bit too personal on my part, if I start going out with some girl, I'm not kissing her probably months after we start. Yeah, I get weird looks about that, probably like the one you have now reading this. But you know, that's a personal decision of mine. I dont want to just give myself away... I want to make sure it's for the "one"... if there is a "one" in God's plan for me. If someone was to forcefully steal this from me, i can promise you - First, you are not, or no longer, my friend. Second, I'm going to do all i can to make your life a living hell for you. Third, you will soon despise me.

I've sat here and debated whether to tell you some of my requirements for the girl - things which could not be debated over. And I decided, i'll just open your minds just a tad...
ichi. of course, she's got to be a Christian. I want her to be able to discuss with me about Christianity - in other words, a strong Christian.
ni. she cant be a smoker. in fact, she cant have ever smoked. you may think, "how petty." Well then you probably dont know how much of an anti-smoker I am. I think it's disgusting - not to mention stupid. To clarify, I mean smoking or tobacco products of any kind - cigarette, cigar, pipes, hookah... i dont care, the answer is no. I dont want to be sharing lips with any cheap, tar-mouthed ho-bag.
san. she cant be a drinker. sorry, if that just bursts another bubble, but i've made a vow not to drink any alcohol - wine or otherwise. it just really wouldn't work out for me, sorry. I kick it sober. my girl's got to be with me on that one.
yon. hopefully this was obvious, but just in case, no drugs. I've dealt with people who were addicts and so no, not my scene.
go. independent. I give an automatic "no" to high maintenance girls. I dont want the girl to be clinging on to me for life support, i need some space. I mean she doesnt need to be completely independent, but i'm nobody's iron lung.

I have more requirements, but i'm going to keep those to myself, cant have you knowing everything about me... that and i'm tired...

so i hope this has been an educational moment for everyone as it sure has been a pleasure for me.

tonight the sky is painted melancholy...

2006-04-11T01:33:00.000-05:00

I see the world in a swirl of hues,
but my favorite color is shame...

01. i write sins, not tragedies
I dont know... but it seems that some of you have this preconceived notion that i'm some sort of perfect being or untarnished person, that i must fulfill some requirement that you have setup in this world of yours.

Well, allow me to relieve this by expressing to you how much i dont have to live up to your standards.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm fallen... that i'm a wretched, sinful monster. I am not quite sure if a happy face, smile, and trying to be nice leaves a different impression... Yes, I lie... and sometimes I'll lie straight to your face. I'm not proud of that, but I will.

I also possess the ability to competely annoy people (i've been told I do this like a pro.) And you know what? I'm not going to know, if you dont tell me. So just come up to me and tell me if you have a problem with me... yes, i'll be embarrassed... yes, it may be awkward... but you know what? I might just do my best to make things right. However I might just tell you that you are a jerk and to get the hell away from me. roll the dice... take a chance. things usually will roll in your favor.

On the otherhand... setting up a plan for me and forcing me to change is not the way to make things right. It's obnoxious. I'm not here like a lump of clay for you to mold. I'm hard and rigid. If i'm going to change, the initative is going to come from me... if you want to help me, pray for me.

All that said, i have a tendency to just not go to class. I also am sure that, at this point, i cant fix the grades that I will have at the end of this semester. So all of you can just stop worrying about me. I appreciate the concern but enough's enough... I dont mind you expressing any worries to me, but after that... let me worry about it. I dont need you here pushing me. I am prepared to accept the repercussions i'll receive because of my actions... or non-actions, i guess.

I'm not going to sit here and lie to you and say that everything's working when everythings broken... but if you want to help me - pray... if you want to be oppressive and point out how wrong I am and tell me what I must do then... let me tell you:

if you notice something wrong about me - I'm probably way ahead of you.
if you want to tell me what I must do - I'll tell you where to shove it.

i'm serious, pray for me, it'll be for the best.

02. loose ends
I guess I should open some eyes a bit about the future.
Yes, I will be going to school at UA for fall 2006 - spring 2007.
Yes, I will be dropping the fraternity.
Yes, I will be going back to memphis for my third year.
No, I dont know if i'll be back.
sorry.

03. optimistic
I cant go on and not mention how much fun I had in the past couple of hours. I met up with Jordan, Paige, Megan, Devin, Brian, Zach, Laine, and... i forget his name at the crimson cafe. Well, I do believe we were going to first play a board game... but no... even better... we got to play hide and seek in the quad! it was an awesome time. A great way to end the night! We were all like, "i'm hiding" but two people are like "i'm seeking" and then we ran around and hid and sought... it was pretty awesome... I think we played maybe like 3 rounds or so... we're crazy... I'm not sure if playing hide and seek was ever in my view of college... but who cares!?! it was totally awesome.

Tonight the sky is painted melancholy
and the wind sings songs as if it would lament
some tragedy on the far side of the world.

drifting away like a feather in air...

2006-04-04T01:03:00.000-05:00

What I am asking myself is where do I begin? I mean, really, so much has happened in the past few days.

Part 1: Fun, fun, fun till the tree took the sock away...
Well I suppose I should say that it began shortly after I finished having lunch with Jordan, Paige, Megan so-and-so, Megan's boyfriend, Elissa, some guy, Zach P., and Brian. Jordan, Brian, Zach, and I decided we were going to go hang out on the quad, but because of some conflicts we moved to another quad like area around between Manly and the art buildings. We rendezvoused with Mary Elizabeth and Laine under the tree we know to be "James I." We chatted for awhile, enjoying nature, until the first stone was cast! ok, actually it was a stick, i'm pretty sure it was Mary Elizabeth throwing it at me. But then of course more people got involved... and you know, boys will be boys, which means that it ended up with me trying to protect myself against Brian and Jordan. Let me tell you that sticks, shoes, and practically everything was thrown! Anyways, after being tickled to the ground aka being molested... Jordan decides he's going to throw my sock into the tree... like James really needed a sock... So after a few tries and me in agony, my sock gets stuck up in the tree. SADBEAR!

Everyone was in chaos! How were we going to rescue my sock???

Plan #1: THROW CRAP
What better way to get something down than throwing things at it, hoping that we hit it JUST right that we can get it back down. We threw sticks and shoes to get it down... smart right? no... it doesnt work, but atleast we did not get anything else stuck up there! Strike plan #1.

Plan #2: HUMAN PYRAMID
Let's see what else can we do... ah! human pyramid, of course! Well, the next idea was spurred by Valiant Knight, Zach Parker. If we could only get Zach high enough maybe he could reach the branch which is so high that the air pressure probably changes drastically, then maybe we could get the sock. So Jordan and Brian quickly stand next to each other ready to take hold of his feet as we decide we'll be able to get him high enough to reach a little nub sticking out of the tree. Soon off the ground and into the hands of Jordan and Brian, we realize it's not going to work as wrists were about to snap. Strike plan #2.

Now if there were only way to get him higher. Laine exclaims...

Plan #3: THE BIKE RACK
"Oh, what about that bike rack over there!" Over in the corner sits a bike rack, and it wasnt currently locked on to any bikes... so it was perfect for use! We lean it up against the tree, and as we spot the rack, Zach, our valiant knight, climbs to the top, fearless and determined! First we hand him a few long sticks/cudgels, but all that we tried just could not reach! We looked around as a few students and teachers gathered from Manly and looked on. One teacher approached with a large folded banner... perhaps we could use it like giant chopsticks! Brian operated the chopping motion while Zach directed, good team work! But alas, we almost seem to be pushing the sock further away... well, after a few more tries, we manage to bring it a bit closer, but the banner is too big and clumbsy that it's too hard to get it. We needed more precision so we went, searching for another branch. (Zach is still up, practically hugging the tree to avoid falling.) We finally have found the perfect sized stick, and with a few tries the sock is reached and thrown down. Hooray! hip hip hooray! We safely get Zach down as we rejoice that the sock has been retrieved!

The next few hours were spent relaxing, leg wrestling, laughing, chatting and having fun. As people left, Laine, Zach, and I were left to ourselves to play. We ate pizza and drank cream sodas on the steps of Gorgas Library. Zach again showed his valor and bravery as he fought off a ravenous, raging yellow jacket! Laine and I were amazed by his abilities! He also knew the perfect way to fold the pizza box to get it inside the cylindrical trash bin. What can't this kid do!

Part 2: The Cheese Weasel...
I hope you havent forgotten how this is taking place on April 3rd. Everyone knows April third is Cheese Weasel day. And what more do we want to do than spread Cheese Weasely goodness! Mary Elizabeth, Laine, Brian, Zach, Jordan (later) and I went to buy some cheese slices; we ended up buying bread and cheese cake for ourselves... but we were mainly thinking of the many lives we would be cheering. We bought 48 slices of those pre-wrapped american cheese things. We wrote many sayings on them such as; "make cheese not war," "Happy Cheese Weasel Day," "When life gives you milk - make cheese," etc. We slipped those cheese slices underneath the doors of people who lived in Riverside North, we also left some in elevators and on boards too. We celebrated after our victorious night by eating cheese cake and bread back at the house. It was an amazing day and a great night!

I doubt it could have been better.

While Broken Hearts Prevail...

2006-03-17T17:11:00.000-06:00

...it's nice to be alive and feel nothing at all.

Wow... spring break... I love it.
Well, it's Friday afternoon/night anyways, but it's practically spring break.

I'll be going to Hanceville tomorrow and then the following days will be spent back home in memphis. I can't wait to be back home, it'll be so nice to be sleeping in my room. What really grinds my gears is that there are a lot of people who are going to the beach to "have fun". As I've been listening to their talk, listening to their plans, listening to their soon to be golden days of sunbeams, beach, and bonding... I realize that I could never go. It's one of those times where things seem so foreign that i'll never be able to go. On the other hand it's probably best that I not go, no, I'm not worried that something may go wrong... I just know that I would make things awkward. As much as i love awkward turtles... most people do not, and at the beach I would be just that. I dont know what is it about the beach or areas lined by water, I just never feel quite right, for me it's just never a retreat, but when i'm there I want to retreat into the nearest hole and be alone.

Wow... spring break... I hate it.

Throw it all away...

2006-02-26T22:54:00.000-06:00

I've got a good mind to throw it all away
After all, what is it worth...
- Frou Frou, "Maddening Shroud"

At the moment, this quotation is a good summary of what i'm feeling right now. I'm really just getting tired of it all, not really finding the things in my life that are keeping me going. Though I know it's wrong to feel this way. I mean, I'm not saying that my feelings are not valid or something along those lines. Well actually I can't find a better way to say it. As a Christian i shouldnt feel this way just because I have Jesus in my life and what He's done for me is a reason enough to keep pushing to keep on going. It's just lately i've been more or less apathetic to everything around me. It's really my selfishness that's coming into play.

but anyways....

A world of grief and pain...

2006-02-25T21:53:00.000-06:00

Ku no shaba ya - A world of grief and pain:
sakura ga sakeba - Flowers bloom;
saita tote - Even then ...
-Issa

Maybe Issa is right, but what he doesnt keep in mind is that some flowers wilt faster than others. Right now, I'm on a rollercoaster, at times things are great, things cant be better... but then there are times where i've hit my lowest lows and i'm just waiting for my cart to derail.

Everyone needs to check out ElliotT Davis, an awesome singer with a band of brothers, i've seen him twice in a short time span and i've enjoyed both shows double fold. I had an hour or two talking to him at the Crimson cafe and it was a great time. He's a good guy.

In other news, I'm living off my dining dollars/ meal plan, as for actual money i have $10 in coins and 1 actual dollar bill... it's quite entertaining, really. 5 of those dollars are going towards whenever's the next time I go to City Cafe in the morning. So im willing to use less than what I have.

Hate most of my classes, dont want to go to really to any of them. It's really in my mind to:
A. Runaway, leaving college and everything behind me.
B. Get a job, raise enough money to buy myself a top of the line Canon digital slr and become a missionary. Using my camera to log my travel and coming and showing them so people can sponsor my travel.
C. Get over my fear of heights and join the circus so I can become a trapeze artist.

I'm really thinking "B." is the choice i'm going to concentrate on. Really i think that college is not for me. Maybe the problem is that I have no desire to do much in life and so my lack of passion is just really not helping me get through college. And that I suck, let's not forget that.

Oh well, i may have done something right for a change, made a cool image for Elliott. We'll see if it's usable. Hope it is, cause if not... i'm probably gonna be mopey JP for awhile since I finally thought I could do something helpful. Though I found out I cant reproduce the same style again, just cause i suck. So I may be already dried up.

sigh...

This is just the prologue...

2006-02-22T15:02:00.000-06:00

[this is actually being posted during April of the year 2006, however I realized I forgot to mention this...]

The girl i was supposed to go on a date with on the 21st stood me up.

Crimson regrets...

2006-02-21T00:38:00.000-06:00

I have been told, "pain is beauty."
then by all means, this beauty I will create
I will release the wrist bound banshee
By becoming hollowed, sorrowed than full, elate

I will take metal to it's fair fetter
let her run down my arm
let her dance and make my vision blur
oh, the beauty that will come of this harm

She will caress my head and make it light
My body scarred by her sharp elegance
Midnight be white, no time darker than tonight
Fore i'll soon only live in remembrance.

Movement stilled, i'll wield a rasp;
With a tick and tock, flows a crimson sea.
You'll know when you hear the crowd agasp,
That they have found me gone with my beauty.

JP Franco, February 21, 2006
(if you steal this, I will kill you.)

I wander the halls along the walls...

2006-02-20T03:41:00.000-06:00

Bad days, good days, never in between. If you are asking, today was a good day and ended with a great night. I got a somewhat date, I dont know if you would call it a date, but with me and my complete lack of experience, I think it resembles a date or atleast that's what the movies tell me. (If you could give it to me, it's atleast a mini-date.) I got to drink the coffee and watch Donnie Darko with some of my close friends. Tonight, I realized that I hate when I talk, because it feels as though I'm not really saying anything. Sometimes I will speak, and my perspective only seems to read puzzled or discontented glares. I suck at life, apparently.

To be honest, I am afraid. No, not of the date, of losing and being lost. Like I said, I was with close friends, I've said that a few times before in my not-so-happy past... and what happened those times? A few reading should know, that's assuming people will read this... for the rest of you, I have lost friends, one chose an addiction over me, the other left me because I was me (I suck at life, apparently.) And then I have lost some in between, mainly my fault, because I havent given proper attention to those who need it. Anyways, I am afraid. I am afraid that I am going to lose the friends I feel I've gotten close to.

When I get close, when I feel the most comfortable, that's when it ends. That's when it always has ended.

I dont want that to happen. not again, please God I ask of you.
I am afraid of going back to the way things were, many of you do not know... many of you would not be able to guess, and some of you would probably be sickened or pity me by it. Depression follows me and through my smile, i'm probably crying inside.

If you read this and wonder, ask me about my past, I will tell you, probably... but if i answer you, please dont go.

When i stumbled upon pictures i tried to forget...

2006-02-17T19:29:00.000-06:00

And that's how this idea was drilled into my head. Cause it's too important to stay the way it's been.

Well a new semester has begun and even though i would hate to admit it, as much as it pains me to even think of it... i've become my former self. I have lost motivation to do what I should, my grades, my school work, I dont even want to get it up for any of it.

I'm sitting right now at the Crimson Cafe, listening to my friends play the guitar as I try to get my thoughts together. A lot has happened, mainly things aggrivating and perplexing enough that makes me want to let my anger run seeping through my pores. However, there have been some blessings. It seems that I will be living in an apartment complex next year, the University Commons. It's gonna be good, it's gonna relieve the stress which comes from living in the fraternity house, an escape from having tolive with people i dont want to live with, free from the drama mongers. I will also be lving with and near some of my best friends down here.

Barrett came down to Memphis this past weekend. It was a blast, there was snow sticking to the ground, we were able to go to graceland too, it was a spectacle to behold. On a downside, Barrett did lose his phone when he fell outside trying to peg me with a snow ball... but right before we left memphis, a lady called and said she had found his phone. Apparently there's a Savannah that works at the Target pharmacy and her son comes and picks her up from work. She said she walked into her sons room, and sees that maybe he bought himself a new phone; he explains that he found it at target. Anyways, to make a long story short (too late), she is going to send his cell phone through the mail... we hope.

Valentine's day this past week, what a vile and horrible holiday, but this year... maybe not so bad. Looks like i'm going to have to start playing checkers at this cafe more often... :)

--Immerse yourself in love...

The Emptiest of Feelings...

2005-11-15T11:41:00.000-06:00

... disappointed people clinging on to bottles, and when it comes it's so so disappointing. Let down and hanging around, crushed like a bug in the ground.

You know, I've been thinking a lot lately about the future about, just... a lot of stuff... and the conclusion that I have arrived to: I have no idea why I am here, right now.

I've been thinking about school a lot, my major, for example. I currently am in New College, which is the program here at UA where I can design and integrate different studies to make my own major. My current major in New College is Web and Graphic Design and Photography in Advertising. As I have been thinking about it, I really dont think that it is for me. So i'm currently trying to figure out what it should be now. I was trying to come up with something that would maybe deal with linguistics and other languages.... but oh wait, that's right, I just failed a test and a quiz (on the same day) in my Japanese class. So that's not going to work. I was thinking about dropping New College altogether; I havent really found my niche in there for many reasons. The only problem with dropping is that since I had to be interviewed and had to apply is that I would feel as though all that I did to get in would just be wasted.

I've been praying a lot for God's will to be revealed so that I will know what direction He wants me to go in, but as for now I just feel lost.

The more this uncertainty goes on, the more I want to just stop and take a break from school. It just doesnt seem fair to my parents. My parents have sacrificed a lot for me to go to college, to school in general as it is. I just dont want to be leading them on in any way. So now I dont know if I cant figure out what to do if I should just go back to memphis and study or work there before coming back... or just staying there for good.

Also, I have a hard time figuring out where I stand when it comes to friendship with a lot of people. I've just never been good at that. And well, the thoughts in my head have come to "if I really wasnt here, would it really matter? would they care?"

yeah just me and my depressive thoughts...

I've Been Bleeding Well...

2005-11-10T01:00:00.000-06:00

...from this old wound; cleaning it with salt, so it will still feel new.

[the following post is very emo, if you have no desire to know what's on my mind, do not read further.]

Well, pledging finally ended, I was initiated into ΛΣΦ this past Sunday. For those of you who havent been up to date and informed on JP College History, I have been pledging a Christian Fraternity here at UA, Lambda Sigma Phi.

Today has been a pretty sucky day. It seems that my grades are really starting to drop and I really dont know what to do about it. It seems as though i've gotten to a point where I've missed so many crucial days that I'm pretty much helpless trying to catch up. I might as well be in a deep, ominous well of college, trying to scrape myself up with no firm foundation. My Japanese teacher gave me back a quiz and told me to retake it, she pretty much told me that I did a horrendous job on it. And in all seriousness, these past couple of weeks, I have really been asking myself if I really have the ability to do any of this. I think I may be incapable of it all... school, friends, everything. I just suck.

I also had some issues the other day with my "yes meaning yes" and "my no meaning no". Apparently, I am that hard to believe that when I say I didnt do something, people just dont believe me.That whole thing was settled today, which makes me happy, because I didnt want this person to be mad at me. I dont really have that close of friends here at UA and I thought that I might finally have a few close friends now that I've been hanging around on a more personal level with some of my pledge brothers.

This settled fiasco leads me to wonder what people really think of me. It reminds me of an answer to one of the personal quizes I made... only 1 out of the 20 or so people who have taken that quiz have gotten the answer right to the last question. The answer is that I am always here for my friends, but apparently no one believes that, no one can see the love for my friends. How is that supposed to make me feel? Well, I'll tell you what I do feel, it makes me feel absolutely useless. What good am I if the people I love don't even know it. It's my fault because I'm obviously doing something wrong.

what can I possibly do to make you guys see?

i dont know...

I Tried My Best to Leave...

2005-10-28T22:19:00.000-05:00

... All of this on your machine but the persistent beat it sounded thin upon listening, that frankly will not fly. you will hear the shrillest highs and lowest lows with the windows down when this is guiding you home.

Well let's see.... a lot has happened in the past week.

Amanda, Emily, and Cole visited me down here at UA. It was a lot of fun and I'm really glad they did. It really reminded about home, about how things were... and I really missed it. It's weird not having them around and I wish they could have stayed longer.

I gave Amanda a grand tour while Emily went to interview someone (Cole hadnt arrived yet). I showed them my frat house, and we went to the Crimson Cafe for awhile, met up with Jordan and went to Capitol Park. We were invited to go watch The Exorcism of Emily Rose... we did and got completely freaked it out. ... I dont really want to watch any more scary movies for a while now...

The next day, we met up at the ferg for lunch and said our goodbye's... I was actually kinda sad, I really missed them, I mean they are pretty much my best friends from memphis. They got to meet some of the people here, like Joel... i mean Joey hung out with us while they were here.

This past week, I've been working for Homecoming on the Gamma Phi Beta pomp, I worked on it FOR-E-VER... I'm pretty sure I never want to work on that thing again.

Currently the homecoming events are going on... I went and saw the bonfire which was cool, I stood around for awhile not really being able to hear a speech and waited for Better than Ezra to get on stage. I left to move my car and got back and... I was so bored, Better than Ezra either sucks or I'm just not really in the BtE mood.

Well I am at the moment just playing around the internet and Photoshop... and I'm actually having much more fun. lol

well anyways.................. the laundry calls...

All day and all night...

2005-10-17T17:02:00.000-05:00

... I wander the halls along the walls and under my breath, I say to myself, I need fuel to take flight.

Oh, monday, another monday after what seems to be an everlasting weekend. This weekend felt so strange, no one was in town, everything felt so barren. A lot of people went to the game, while some others just went home. Only a handful of us were actually at the house.
We hung out a lot with Claire because she's interning at a place in b-ham. Joey, Sedric, Claire, and I went to the Fresh Food company which was really good... VERY good in fact. The chicken... and the dessert... mmmm it was very good. Then we pretty much did nothing...

Later, several of us went and hung out at the quad... good times ... good times...

The next day we had a 5k run to work at a church near by, at 7 oclock in the morning! i do not like that time of day, especially on a saturday... However, I stood at the 1 mile marker calling out times.

This was followed by much sleeping, and in my dreams were much rejoicing because I got to sleep. :)

mmm... I went to TCAT on Sunday morning, I met two interesting girls who really wanted me to go again that night. Well, I told them that I "might" go... but i ended up not going...

It wasnt a total waste of weekend.... but the reason why will stay in my head.

Days like this...

2005-10-14T15:16:00.000-05:00

... I don't know what to do with myself, all day and all night.

Ah, another week over... everyone's pretty much gone because it's an away game, so everyone went back home or went to the Oxford game. It'll be a slow weekend, but that's what I want it to be; at this moment, I feel as though i'm about to reach my energy max. I really need a time where I can rest and release this angst and feeling of exaustion.

I could really use a nap, especially since I should be helping out tomorrow morning at this 5K run. Make note that I'm not going to run the 5K, i'll be working there for service stuff. ...not like I have anything else better to do. That's pretty much only reasoning for this. eh... I am just so tired, there's nothing going on. I've talked to a lot of the people around me and they seem to feeling the same way; seems to be a general feeling of tiredness going all-around, not too mention sickness. I've been sick for awhile, but I'm starting to be able to breathe a lot easier now, so things are going much better than they were before, the only think at the moment is coughing, that can be pretty bad when walking to class. haha, at one point I started coughing so bad on my way from class that people started staring at me. (thanks for stopping and asking if I was alright, jerks...)

Oh well, at times I feel as though I am the only one who really shows tries to show that they care. I usually go out of my way for people and then people never tend to do the same for me. But dont think that I'm selfish, when I do that I'm really not looking for anything in return, I just wish they would express caring a little more straight-forward.

--I'm rambling, i'll be writing later, I'm sure... It's not like i'm busy.

These Words are My Own...

2005-10-10T16:15:00.000-05:00

...from my heart flow.

To say the least, it's been a busy weekend. I had the pledge retreat this weekend, which was an amazing experience. It's pretty much what I expected and then some... I mean, I knew that it was going to bring us much closer together than we already were, but it was really cool and we were able to really get more personal with everyone.

I'm really proud of everyone in my pledge class and I am extremely proud to call them my brothers. They are so strong and unyielding in their faith; they walk with the Lord and proclaim His truth. I may not be the strongest one or even the most popular of them, however I want to do my best to be there for them and if need be protect them with whatever I got.

The retreat really helped me appreciate each one, they may all be different but we have clicked so very well.

So all-in-all, it was a great trip, despite be stranded on the island for 2+ more hours than everyone else (which really wasn't that bad at all).

What was left of my weekend, consisted of resting and downloading random songs and videos.

Here's a picture from a swap with Delta Zeta (DZ) (Brian, Brannigan, Me, Kathleen, [], Amanda)

Extraordinary...

2005-10-04T16:29:00.000-05:00

Machine

Hah, and you thought that I would not write till another month right? No, this is where you are wrong.

Remember when I said yesterday that I feel sick? Yeah, well, today I feel miserable. I wake up today realizing that I have already missed my first class, so I got out my bed to another dose of Nyquil and went back to bed. I didn’t wake up till about another hour and a half. I knew it was time to wake up, so I got up and took a shower. Once I got out I realized that my stomach was hurting, this was followed by a slow, painful torture. Uneasiness went through my body, I could feel it rise and rise… I hate that feeling, the goose bumps that precede it serve as a dark omen; that feeling, that undeniably horrible feeling… throwing up. Well, I didn’t actually throw up, though twice I came really close to it. I crouched near the toilet basin for a few minutes until I knew that it has passed.

I feel miserable.

And it sucks too, because I have a swap tonight, and I know that I’m going to look awesome carrying around a tissue box, that’ll really win the ladies over. Heh…

I pray that I’ll feel better before Friday rolls around, we have the pledge retreat which, I must say, I am thoroughly excited about. So, I don’t want to feel bad during the pledge retreat, it would make the experience pretty sucky.

Hmmm, after study hall, I’m probably going to go to Publix and buy a French bread, it’ll probably be all I eat today.

Oh, and on this day, let’s not forget that Fiona Apple’s “Extraordinary Machine”, comes out today, I HAVE to go buy it!

Harder, Better...

2005-10-03T13:50:00.000-05:00

...Faster, Stronger

It certainly has been awhile since I have written, and now that I have my laptop (I can now be on the computer wherever I go). Another thing that inspired me to write is the fact that I’m sick… the sinus pressure that I’m dealing with is really sucky. I was walking to my Japanese class, when I decided that there is no reason why I should go – I feel like crap, so in college that means no Japanese class today.

Well I do believe that the college life has really kept me from writing as well… I mean the last entry was about the 24 hour party. … Yeah, I really got to get on this… so this will be the quickest recap… EVER.

::The Recap::
Ok, I was living in Parker – Adams for the first day, that night I was invited to go to a fraternity party, they told me it was a Christian fraternity, so I thought – why not! Well, it ends up we were late… really late. As in no one was there except for the people who lived in the house. Well anyways, we just sat in the house talking to the people who lived there, two hours later Tim Milner, the president, asked me if I’d like to live in the house….

Two days later, I’m moved out of Parker-Adams and into the house. So, now, I’m a pledge of ΛΣΦ (Lambda Sigma Phi). I really believe this was all apart of God’s plan, Things just seemed to fit in together so nicely, how seamlessly things happened. I remember praying for God to fit me in with the right people and so I do believe this is where he wants me to be.

This experience has been amazing, and I thank God everyday for it. My pledge class of 23 is awesome some of the nicest and funniest people I have met. There is a reason for everything, so I want to learn as much as I can from them. For example this weekend we have the pledge retreat and I can’t wait, I think it’s going to be mind blowing.

But anyways, as for school, things are going great, I love my Japanese class. (too bad I missed it today but…). My English class is also cool, it’s taught by a graduate student who is from Germany. It’s a really awesome and relaxed class. (but I love English so… it probably would have been fine no matter what. \

Well anyways, I hope to write more now with my new laptop. But as for now I’m going to go rip out my sinus’s so that I either bleed to death or can finally breathe… whichever comes first.

I know we're...

2005-08-14T14:45:00.000-05:00

cool.

This might just be a huge post... soo i'm going to break it up into title's so you can tell what i'm talking about.

Will's Surprise B-Day Party

ok, I dont know how I forgot to write about this, but unfortunately i did, which means I'm going to have to recall some stuff. Will's Bday party was on wednesday, which was 2 day before his real birthday (the 12). Emily Templeton and I got him his own personal Mr.Gordo. (That would be a Buffy, thing if you didn't know.) There were a TON of people there, from people who are normally at a Raines' party to people Will said he thought he would never see again. He said he didnt know anything about it. So it was def. a big hit. Emily T, Megan, and I def. took over the theatre, a.k.a. the world, and watched Buffy. Anyway, Will actually got me a gift when he went down to Florida.

(you can click on it to make it bigger)

You probably don't know, so I will tell you, Nerf Herder is the band that does the main theme song to Buffy -- Which makes this key chain completely awesome. so again, Thanks, Will!

24 Hour Safari

Ah, the madness that was the 24 hour party.
Well, Cole, Emily Duggan, and I were the heads of this party, this amazing idea, this none-stop joy ride. It surprising turned out better than expected; everyone was having fun practically all of the time. So let me tell you what happened that night.... eerrr... and day

First we started with eating dinner at 6:30pm at San Francisco Bread co. We used to eat there for our off-campus lunch sometimes.
After that (7:30 ish), we went to MacCalister's for some Celebratory Tea.
I left at 8 with Will Raines and Haley Hannah, to try and get something to work by the time everyone came over to my house. I missed the rest of tea and Emily Chamber's house so I dont really know what happened there.
At 9:45 ish, people came to my house to watch Hobb's End... (a serious horror movie, but it's SO bad that we made it into a comedy.) They bought it for me at my surprise party on my last birthday.
It was then about 12:15ish a.m. by the time we left for Graceland Too. This was my second time, and it wasnt really as scary because we had about 10,000 people there. But it was def. stranger... he said so many off-color things, that it was just bad. Talking about how horny he gets and whatever it was just bad. Then of course we had some horrible questions coming from people, that were either just harsh, pointed questions or they were just those that were stupid. For example Amanda goes, "So can we see your guns? the ones you were talking about earlier?" and he def. pulled a gun out of his pocket. Yeah, talk about getting uneasy. However, before we got to the room with the bed, some of the ones who have been before, sneaked into that room and took some awful pictures on top of his bed. ...We were bad... haha. I also took a picture of Matt, sitting on the electric chair without Paul McLeod noticing. bahahaha. I havent gotten those developed yet, so I'll get them soon and post them up.
We ended up getting to out next destination, Gibson's, at maybe 3:45ish a.m. We were already falling behind schedule. We stayed there for awhile, and you could tell people were getting tired.
Next, we arrived at Amanda's for Family Guy around 5ish. We watched two episodes and the sun arose. Most people here fell asleep, aside from Me, Amanda, and a few others.
Cole's house was next and it was about 6 when we started Donnie Darko. We've all seen it numerous time, so we didnt feel bad about falling asleep during it.... though we heard some of our favorite quotes like "Go back to China, *****!" and "Chut up!" "Porky Pig, I hope you get molested!" So we all fell asleep and slept for about 2 hours.
At around 9:30ish, we went to IHOP for breakfast.
Then back to Cole's at 11 to just hang around. 3 of us took a shower at his house, before going to...
Lincoln's costume shop at 1:00ish we stayed there awhile, looking at and trying on some costumes.
We picked up our lunch at Abner's around 2 and ate our lunch at ECS like our outside lunch. We probably stayed there for an hour or so we were probably leaving at 3:15 - 30 ish.
We then stopped at some banks, because we needed to get cash before going to Jerry's Sno Cones. I had the Wedding Cake Supreme, and it was REALLY good, though I couldn't finish it all.
At our next destination, Emily's house, we arrived around 4:45 - 5:00. We talked for awhile as Emily tried finding a movie, they put in Tom and Huck, followed by our suicides. a.k.a. I really dislike that movie. So we stayed there until 6:30 which was our 24 hour marker.

so we made it. we got through 24 hours of just eachother. yes, people were def. becoming annoying. but we dealt with it and whatever. But we're all tired, even though we met again at 7:00 at Huffman's deli.

but i'm tired... and so yeah.

I'll get the pictures developed and post them somewhere.

JP

Tristesse Globale...

2005-08-11T12:30:00.000-05:00

Röyksopp one of the most random groups, but a group that I've really come to enjoy, they're new album is called The Understanding, but I must say my favorite song of theirs is Poor Leno, from their album Melody A.M.

Well let's see, I just got back from the DMV with Cole and Emily. (amanda was supposed to come, but she was just "too tired".) Well we went to the express DMV at the Hickory Ridge Mall to get our license updated to get all the restricted stuff off it. If you ever want to see completely depressed people, go to the DMV at around 9, everyone looked pretty much dead and I think they hated us because we were actually talking and laughing. We were mostly laughing at Stewie and his "Sexy Parties"

So anyway, I got my updated license so now I can drive late... legally now, so it's good.

I was supposed to get my meningitis immunization, but my mom forgot the detail that it cost $85. Actually, she told me it cost $20, she had confused it with another shot. But, so this is the 3rd time I've been down there and I have yet to get my shot.

I've been really tired today and I've been taking naps every chance I get, there's no way i'd make it through tomorrow's 24 hour safari without completely dieing for a little while... but that's what the movie times are for :)

anyways, I am incoherently typing this right now, just woke up from a nap, and so i'm going to stop before i say something offensive or mean like, I hope you all die and burn by a vengeance like none other, originating from the inner workings of my mind.

phew... good thing i'm keeping THAT to myself.

JP

11 days...

2005-08-09T12:56:00.000-05:00

...and counting till school starts!

I'm excited and I can't wait to be down there in Tuscaloosa. My parents, on the otherhand, are not overwhelmingly excited. They --they could be any less excited. My mom's been holding back tears almost everyday and I must say that almost makes me want to leave even more.

I just want to get to the point where they're comfortable with me being far away because then I wont have to worry about their mental health or blood pressure shooting up every top-of-the-hour.

I got a pretty nice (also pretty cheap) printer/scanner at HP, so I'll be able to keep up drawing and whatever in college so i'm happy. For my dormroom, I just purchased some posters from Art.com. These are three that I got: (click on any of these for a bigger picture.)

I was going to buy a Donnie Darko one, but it's pretty much a plain black poster, and I'm trying to make my room a little bit... not so dark... so these were some of the best I could find. I'm still looking for some other posters though... possibly maybe No Doubt? Dashboard Confessional? Radiohead? Keane?

I dont know, there's just so much to do before I go, like slaughtering the city of memphis, I dont know if I can even fit that into my schedule anymore! Oh well, maybe i'll replace that with visiting a nursing home - that always makes me happy... seeing them fall anyways! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA
oh sidenote: did you know that most people say "She fell and broke her hip." when in all actuality, they fall because they broke their hip while standing. My bro learned it in a medical class. Yeah, he's a dentist, but he learned it in one of his other classes.

well anyways i think i can check this off my list:

Wrote in Blog: Complete
Informed People about what's going on in my mind: Complete
Picture in post?: Yes, Complete
Said Something Completely Offensive: Complete

yup looks like I got everything. Well later
JP

P.S. My teeth don't hurt anymore! What was hurting was the back part of my gums, they were stretching a bit and well it's fine now, SCREW THE DENTIST!

Ow...

2005-07-31T22:50:00.000-05:00

...that hurts.

You know what is a painful experience? Not getting your wisdom teeth taken out. You may be asking yourself, "Now, how can that be?" Well let me tell you, for the past ... 3 or 4 days my wisdom teeth have been coming out full force. I feel like I'm teething all over again. It's been tough opening my mouth really wide just because it stretches out my gums a little bit more and my teeth just scream for help.

"So then, why not go to a dentist?" Well, my friend, that is because I just know if I do they'll want to take it out! ...and I can't have that. I won't stand for it! I will suffer and endure this pain! That's why!

Random: I got a PS2... exciting, no? haha, I know i'm behind the times by like 3 years, but that just means I'm getting the games I want for so much less. Well i'm happy, definitely distracts me. Well anyways, I should be going, it's about time for my mom to start crying about college again. later.

Can I tell you...

2005-07-23T13:31:00.000-05:00

how excited I am for starting school in the fall?

After coming back from orientation, I have crimson blood pumping through my veins. I cannot really explain to you how excited I am... so i'm going to ramble on.

Well, I was one of the few who stayed the extra night before orientation actually started. There was no way I was going to wake up at 1am to then go driving so I could make it to orientation. I can't tell you how glad I am I did that. I got to meet a lot of the avantis and they are all really cool. So they provide extra laughs which was good. Another plus was that night I met Brian Dye (born in Germantown, TN, raised in Atlanta) and Amy Wallace (from MD). They were pretty much the main people I hung out with during orientation. They are both a lot of fun and we all hit it off pretty well. So next morning, while people are introducing each other, we were already having a blast. We end up getting split up in the chaos of it all, so I went and made my Action Card... bahahaha I look completely high in my picture. I'll eventually get it changed, but if I ever need a good laugh I can whip that out.
So Next I had the first Avanti group meeting. My leaders were Stephen Speihler and Marybeth Everett. Our leaders were fun and our group seemed really cool so I was pretty happy.
Ok so the meetings in general were pretty boring and at the time I was listening they were stressing. They were stressing because they just made me thinking about something that I hadn't yet thought of.
At the Ferg"uson Center Food Court", the lunch was amazing. Let me tell you all who are jealous, yes, our eating place is much better than yours. :) I had pizza and it was great, amazing, if you will. We have a Chik-fil-a in there and several other places that are good.
Soon after I met the fourth member of our team, Jaci Moltz (from Tuscaloosa area). She's really cool and after several other meetings I went to, she took us around Tuscaloosa and we ate at McCalisters. We made it back in time to get to the next activity.
Ah, the next activity, fun and yet def. brought some awkwardness towards me. So to the Rec Center's outdoor pool we went. So the other three went to the pool, while I mingled with some of the Avantis and peers. I met some of the people I was told I had to meet because they were involved with BCM; like Michael Mabry, Andrew Hester, and Kaylie Patrick. I met Tyler Keenum who'll be an RA at P-A which is where I'm staying. I met Maria Franco- no relation. I could name them all but you'd get bored, just check my Facebook friends. Talked to a lot of my peers while eating some snow cones; some of them nice, some of them not so nice. But whatever, I'll have time to talk to them later.
That night, Amy, Brian, and I got hungry, so we found two other girls to split some Jimmy John's subs with us. We ordered a #2, #5, #8. ... and we didnt know what we were ordering... just random numbers... the #5 was really good though... and so we ended the night by watching Family Guy/Futurama.

Next day, things went by really quickly. With watching the Avanti's do skits, like Tony's impression of Napoleon Dynamite to planning my fall schedule, things were just going by fast.
Things were getting kinda sad. I knew I would see these people when Fall starts, but I mean, I dont know, I got attatched pretty quickly. I love the place what can I say.
So the day was wrapping up and the four of us knew it'd be a while till we saw each other again...
so we sent a note to Brian and the four of us met in the Lounge room in Blount one last time. But heck we're excited, we've already got a sushi night planned and we just plain rock. But I got to meet another avanti while in there, and probably by far one of the coolest/nicest, Jacob Summers. He's a cool guy, so don't miss out, you should meet him.

well that concluded my orientation, and like I hope to have to established - I can't wait for this to begin.

JP

Blogger is being a total...

2005-07-23T03:27:00.000-05:00

Blogger is being a total pain in my Hispanic butt.
I used to be able to post directly to my server and everything would be all nice and chipper in would go under my domain name.

But no! now it's being stupid... and i've been trying to fix this... really i have for the past several months... i mean my last post was ....

MAY 03.

Well you know what...

CRAP ON YOU BLOGGER. I CRAP ON YOU.

oh and so this post has anything meaning at all... here's a quiz!

~*~Result nr 8~*~

Your power is: Extreme healing powers

Explanation: When injured your body
focuses on the wound and heals rapidly, within
a few seconds. This makes you pretty much hard
to kill and you can help people in danger using
yourself as a shield. Almost anything is
possible in combat but you prefer looking after
others. In bad purposes you can do the same as
above but for evil intentions.
This power fits you pretty good since you want
to help those around you, and when you are
pretty much unstopable, that's not an obsticle.
You are caring and nurturing and are more a
pascifist. Even if you know there are much
unfairness in the world you still chose to see
from a positive angle because you belive in the
good of this world. You are probably friendly
and have a soft spot for people who are not
accepted. Though to others you come of as naive
and gullible. You could be taken advantagde of
if the wrong person comes around. Even if you
could be seen as pure, you are not that
completely since you're human and make mistakes
too.

Negative aspects: If your naiveness has
been making you blind for too long you could go
into dark thinking.

What Power is Compatible With You?
brought to you by Quizilla

And I Don't Know Why...

2005-05-03T23:00:00.000-05:00

So little time

Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

Ah, to everyone who doesnt know, that would be a Keane song. If you dont know who Keane is... you should get to hear them soon.

>>Big post because it's been such a long time since my last. :)

So many moods at the same time. Good news, bad news... that has been my life since I last posted. April 24, my parents bought me a used acura something to replace my over-heating mazda. On that wednesday someone backed into it. I wasnt in it, so it was a little funnier. My great grandmother died several weeks ago, she was hooked onto a bunch of machines so i'm glad she's at rest now, even though her death was pretty gruesome. School is ending, that's good. I wont be able to see a lot of people for awhile, and i'm going to miss them, but i'm glad i'll have some space between some people. And it brings me to a thought I've had in my head for awhile...

In the world, some people bring me shame in the fact that we are of the same species. It's a great challenge to slander the name of a being that is as low as we are. People can be so stupid sometimes... just so careless when it comes to dealing with others and their emotions. It almost seems as though they go about living their lives feeding on the discomfort and destruction of others emotions. And it makes me sick. To top it off, there are many times when I have ignored my emotions to laughed at jokes to be agreeable and "accepted". And like-wise there are times when I have ingnored my feelings to make others laugh and just feel a private sting of truthful discomfort.

"I'm such an incredibly, stupidly sensitive person that everything that happens to me, I experience it really intensely. I feel everything very deeply."
-Fiona Apple

I think this quote describes me very well. Pretty much anyone [or anyone who i talk privately to] could tell you that I have a lot of emotions and I experience each of them in such short periods of time. My emotions are kind of like a fireworks display, there are big bursts and then they fade followed by other bigger bursts and then those fade, etc. I can see how people don't like those that live like that. For the most part I run off my emotions, it's how I process information, how I respond to other people and what they say. Yeah, sometimes it hurts, i sometimes take things literally even when i laugh. ...

It's like they say, "truth is often spoken in jest." How do i know when you are joking and when you're really trying to convey something you don't like about be?

This or...

2005-03-26T19:00:00.000-06:00

Appologies to have yet written about the Cruise, however, I'm going to write about something more recent while it is still fresh in my mind.

Last night & morning was the bellevue junior senior banquet. I went with Hannah Foster and it was a lot of fun.

Well the night really started off at one of the other girl's house. It was our whole table that was there taking pictures. The parents there were insane with the camera, i now know how people deal with me. :) After being there for almost an hour we went to Bellevue. We walked around for a while and went to the courtyard. They served some punch and etc. there and people talked until Phil Newb came and told everyone to go to the dining room.
So we began eating, the food wasnt so bad at all, which i was somewhat surprised. The entertainment was teh suck. It made me forget that I was at J/S Banquet and not at a Honoring Phil Newberry Night. There were so many brown-nosers who talked about Phil that was just SO BORING. So while they spoke I got my tea and put packets of lemon juice and sweeteners in there just for fun.
Our tabled changed into our normal clothes and Katie Mosier's house to hang out for a bit and we went to starbuck's. We hung out in the parking lot throwing frisbees and tennis balls until we kicked out by security which was fine because we needed to go back to Bellevue. It was almost 11:30 and the buses going to Jillians were going to leave.
We arrive at Jillians and are escorted to the bowling center they have on the bottom floor. We played bowling for about 2 hours about 2 games. I got second place the 1st game, and i didnt see what i made the second, but i'm sure it was a lot worse. By the first quarter of the 2nd game i was already getting bored, luckily they made ready the arcade on the 3rd floor for us by that time. So we went up and played around. They gave us these cards that have thousands of credits on it and that was cool. We werent supposed to keep the tickets we got but we stowed them away in Hannah's purse and kept them. >< bwahaha. I probably have 300-400 tickets in my car haha.
Getting bored again after awhile we went to the 2nd floor to wait for a pool table to free up so we could play, but we got bored of waiting so Hannah, Leah, and I went to the bowling floor and were just going to chat. Well we ended up losing Leah and so Hannah and I just sat down and started talking. We started playing "Either this or that". The game where you have to choose which you'd rather be or situational things.. We moved to the middle floor during the game and sat down at some couches. we played that from 3am to about 6:30 am when we got back at Bellevue. haha. we're hardcore players. Here are some of the highlights: (if you want you can leave comments answering these)

Jew or Gentile
Mental Retardation or Condemned to Hell - (a comment that came out of that was: "Same thing." LOL)
Public Humiliation or Private Depression
If you were found guilty for something you didnt do, would you rather get a life sentence or a death sentence?
Rather be killed smart or live dumb?
Having no friends or Having fake friends?
Live with feeding tube or Be dead?
Emotional or No Emotions?
No friends or Being raped?
Hating a job you're respected for or Loving a job that noone respects?
Numb body or numb emotions?
No arm or no leg?
No hand or no foot?
Deaf or Blind?
Colorblind or Hearing impaired?

I've forgotten a lot of them but trust me there were a ton as we went on for about 3 hours. All in all it was a LOT of fun but yet so tiring. I just got tired thinking about it. well anyways i'll leave you with this:

The Parking Lot Tram: The uncredited workhorse of
the Disneyland resort. You take visitors from
the largest parking lot on earth to the front
door of Disneyland and back again. You aren't
the picture of glamour and most wouldn't even
think you provide any sort of excitment, but
without you no fun could be had at all. You
don't mean to, but you seem often sour. You
get little respect and sometimes get losts of
scorn, but yet you are faithful and eager to
please. People need you and you need them.
Your simpleness is the perfect backdrop to
showcase the eager smiles of children riding
you for their first time to the Happiest Place
on Earth.

What Disneyland attraction are you?

great... i'm boring.

no i promise i'm going to...

2005-03-22T19:15:00.000-06:00

...write a post about the cruise. i just have been uploading my 200+ pictures onto my computer as well as working on my website. i'll be writing one soon. as for now here's this:

Your label is the Nice girl/guy. You tend to care
for others over yourself. However, many people
appreciate your caring side and would rather
stick by you than hurt you. But, there is a
downside. Some tend to abuse your kindness and
take advantage of you. You always try to see
the good in everyone and try not to hate.
Also, you have sharp insight and a great
personality. Calm, serene, and understanding,
you make a worthy friend and a valuble ally to
people in need. Don't change your sweet
nature, your constant being-there can save a
life.

I suggest your go into a field that
centers around working with others such as a
doctor, baby-sitter, psychologist, lifeguard,
or Teacher. If none of these occupations
interest you, it is okay then. I am sure that
there are plenty of oppertunities out there for
you.

What type of teenager are you?

you are the "you suck, and that's sad"
happy bunny. your truthful, but can be a bit
brutal.

which happy bunny are you?

>>slightly contradicting? yeah i think so... hahaa

please pray. no seriously...

2005-03-06T00:10:00.000-06:00

I will be on the cruise, we leave school at 7 on Sunday Morning, for those who do not now, i'm terrified of water and am just a little worried. However not just of the water am I worried but of being with people i might not necessarily want to be with.

please pray for me! I'll be writing down my journals on the trip and will type them up when I get back.

I'll see ya! T_T

JP

So why don't we go...

2005-02-26T21:00:00.000-06:00

[Listening to: Keane - Hopes and Fears - 01 Somewhere Only We Know]

So anyways, i've only a few hours left and I will soon be able to eat. So let me recap the rest of this day.

Well after I left my last blog entry, I went to help out at the Jeans and Jewels Gala Auction at Woodland Hills. They were pretty much done when I got there ^^; but we decided to play Bigger or Better. For those that don't know, the games is where teams start off with small objects and go around to houses and find bigger or better objects that the family doesnt want anymore. The teams were Grant, Katie Holden, Brandall, and me against Houston, JT Dawson, and Jake. We decided to go into the same huge, rich neighborhood. Rocky Point? maybe.... i think that's it. We were given 2 hours and we'd meet back at Woodland Hills. So let me tell you what are team did.
Well, we delegated Katie as our spokeswoman because we thought houses would probably listen to a girl before 3 guys. We first decided to visit Laura Smith since she lived in the neighborhood. We started off with a danish and asked her if she had anything bigger or better, she gave us a unopened water gun. We drove down her street and ended at a nice house. The lady who opened the door was SO nice. She gave us this art piece of a girl and some bunnies in a field... or was it a forest... i dont remember. ANYWAYS, we stopped at our next house to find a younger couple who had this somewhat broken yellow 70's lamp that they didnt want, they didnt want the picture either, so they just gave us the lamp. On our way out, we see the other team, aka Team LOSER, trying to take Grants car and take purses, camera bags, etc. We gave them the picture in trade of our stuff. What losers, heh. So we took our lamp to several places pretty much being turned down left and right. We got a call from the team saying that they already won and that they had some cool stuff. Well, we kept on going and we ended up at this house that was answered by two teenagers. I think they were both freshman, one from CBHS and the other from Cordova. After a bit of chit chat the kid had said there was a couch they didnt want but he would need to call his mom. He comes back and says he couldnt get him mom. We tested out the lamp in front of them so they saw it worked. Well we gave them Katie's cell number to the kids so they could call us if they reached their mom. Well... time passed by like no body's business. We still hadnt traded the lamp. Well we get a call from the kids with time running close to 1:15. The mother said we could have the couch, it seems the kid really liked the lamp. To make a long story short (too late) we had to break the legs of the chair, and we fit it in a suburban that the lady had. We drove it to Woodland Hills and showed the other team what we got. We definitely won, they had some random items, (steering collumn, skiis, etc) but we won. The lady took the couch because the friend (the cordova student) wanted it for his room, and since we were just going to chunk it we let him have it.
We hung out at Woodland hills for a minute before splitting up. We took a lot of pictures so i'll post them eventually when I get the developed.

So I got home and took a nap until about 5:30 where I called Jordan to see if he wanted to do anything tonight. He's at work and he'll call me later, which is where the story will pick up later.

so until next time.
JP

So Hungry...

2005-02-26T10:00:00.000-06:00

As some of you probably know, I'm doing the 30 hour famine. This means that I havent eaten anything since 5:00pm on Friday and it will end at 11 tonight.
Friday at 5 we met in the gym lobby to tell everyone the plan and then to pray. We went our seperate ways, but most of the faminers were going to meet at the Cordova Skating Rink. Let me tell you I fell about 10 times, plus i was the slowest person in the rink. And the kids there are evil, talented... but evil. they would pretty much skate circles around me... >_< but oh well. And most of the girls there are WHORES. Well anyways the Faminers that went were me, Grant, Cole, Houston, Brandall, Jake, Katie, Stephanie, Sarah, Chloe, and Caroline. We ran into a whole bunch of people there like Laura, Lauren, and Abby, the wiley brothers, etc. The last time I was skating I was pretty much clenching onto Sarah, however when we did that we had a fall count of: 0, so i think that was a good idea. Afterwards we all split up and the guys went to Grant's house. We had fun, but I had to get out so at around 11 i went to go get some apple juice from Walmart. Man, was it tempting in there. There was so much bread and... ::licks lips:: but i didnt eat anything... so i'm still going on strong.
I should be helping them right now at Woodland Hills, but I came back home for awhile. I'll be taking a shower soon too.

+However I had sometime to think at Grant's house, and I've decided (if i wasnt sure enough earlier) that I cannot wait for this year to be over.
I shall leave you for now with the message that the fortune cookie that sits atop my moniter says, "The time is right to make new friends."

later

It has been so long...

2005-02-23T01:10:00.000-06:00

...since i've felt at rest.

I dont know about you, but i have been so tired lately. School has been so boring and it has felt so drawn out that I just cant wait for it to end. At the beginning of the year I was going to make this a good year. I was going to befriend a whole bunch of people i didnt know and just have a good time and things would be great. Now at the end of the year, I just really dont care. I dont care about school, and I seem to be slipping away/slowly just backing off of my friends. As sad as that just may be. There are probably only 2 or even maybe 3 people i want to be with. And those few really dont want to be with me. The others, I just dont really feel close to them, and I know that when I'm off at college things will be hard trying to keep up friendships while either I or they are away. I can barely keep friendships while people are at arms length, distance will only make it worse.

Thinking about the cruise, I think it might be a bad idea for me to go, too bad it's too late to pull out. I've just realized that i'm going to be spending my whole spring break with my class for a good 7 days. I might go insane.
A) I can't swim.
B) I really dont want to be stuck with these people for that long.
C) I'm going to be so bored.
Oh, dear God, what have I gotten myself into. T_T

On a lighter note, thanks to Hannah and Lindsey for writing on my car at school the other day! That def. made my day. Here are some pictures:

Hannah's message:

Lindsey's message:

well I might just go crazy as I have already died inside... have a good day!

Have you ever...

2005-02-17T21:46:00.000-06:00

Have you ever been disappointed in someone... yeah...

Back Tracking...

2005-02-16T01:42:00.000-06:00

February 14, 2005

Let's see... I hate Saint Valentines Day. A day where we commemorate love for another, well, the problem is that i dont really feel much love coming this way. That is not just concerning relationships of exclusiviness (a.k.a. dating). How do you celebrate love with just friends if that love feels pretty ones-sided. I dont know, you decide.

I've come up with a conclusion concerning dating. Why should I date when I can barely keep friends? It doenst make sense to pollute the dating scene like that. Plus, most of the girls I like, i'm pretty sure they don't like me or i think we may disagree on some key issues of mine. But that's ok, I'll probably die alone at the old age of 20.

Also, everyone is having a bad day. There are too many sour moods at school. I claimed mine first, so I am def. keeping mine. Everyone else can actually work on fixing their problems.

February 15, 2005
Nothing really happened except I died a little inside.

February 16, 2005

Oh yay, a half-day. Probably the longest half-day of school EVER. The MS Choir concert went alright, I got a 10/10 at the concert i'm 1 out of 22 people who did. 6 of those 22 were girls. Weird numbers i think anyways. "Steal Away" has to be one of the greatest songs, it's so soothing. After school I went to Johnny's Pizza. The food was good, but the mood so weird, everyone was so high strung. Moods and PMS's were flying everywhere. it was bad. Oh well.

I talked to Hannah Foster at like 12:something A.M. (so really it was the 17th, DEAL) We talk about a lot of things, sharing the same feelings about a lot of things. It was cool.

I also talked to someone else, but you will probably hear about that later... O_O. sometime after this weekend.

** we are counting down the days It leaves... things are moving SOO slow... T_T sigh.

i'm out. let's see if I can go to sleep. ::shrug::

Oh, things were...

2005-02-13T19:36:00.000-06:00

... so much better.

Let me tell you what has been going on. Two weeks has passed since my life began to end. My cousin... or well my mom's cousin's daughter (whatever that makes her out to be)... arrived to stay with us for 4 weeks. And let me tell you so far, it has not been good. I've been taking her to school each day because she is listening to classes in the 8th grade, she is supposedly trying to learn english.

Monday
The first monday of when she arrived I took her to school and I thought that things would be ok. I had Choir practice right after school so I dropped her off at the house before I left. Well, it seems that while I was out singing my heart out, It somehow got gum all over my dog. ... my precious dog. When I got home I realized that my dog, Sushi, looked a bit different, it had some stuff around it's face. I looked a bit closer and it was gum... I almost died. This can not be happening. I went and took her to my parents bathroom where I locked myself in and started to cut off the gum which took me 30+ minutes. The gum was located around Sushi's mouth which somewhat restricted her mouth from opening. I was so mad. She had also been on my computer for 5 hours, and let it be known to those that do not know, I am HIGHLY protective of my computer. Things are starting off on the wrong foot.

::For the sake of space I shall stop dividing things up by the days::

Ok let's see, in two days It leaves about 5+ water bottles around the house all of which have only been used about 1/4 of the way through. It has left candy wrappers and trash everywhere.
Before my mom went to work, she told It "Do not open the door, I'm putting on the alarm". My mom calls me from work, during my drama practice, "Can you leave and go to the house?, she has set off the alarm." I told her I was going to stay at practice, there's no way I want to deal with this. I find out later that It had opened the door (for some still unknown reason). We could not reach her because the phone had been left on, which means the alarm company could not reach us. The police had come to our house and It had to explain to them what had happened.
One day after school, It left to a friends house without telling us. My mom was waiting from a phone call from It so my mom knew it was ok for her to go over. Well, It never called. >_<
It is still leaving bottles and trash everywhere.
It disobeys us and ignores us if we tell her to do something.

I might just die.

Apparently my parents and It are going to Birmingham on the 18th right after my parents get back from work, which means i'll be It free all weekend...

Oh, yeah... I've lost 3 online college applications, (2 from the same college) since It has begun to use my computer.

Well I'm out...

I am red...

2005-02-12T21:52:00.000-06:00

Apparently I am red...

You are the color red. You are the most
controversial of all the colors. You are often
easily angered, but as easily as you got
excited, you come down. When angered, do you
have the tendency to be malicious? Afterwards,
do you end up begging for forgiveness? Maybe.
But you're incredibly generous, and, odd
enough, needy. You love to hate, and
sometimes, you hate to love. This color
describes you as generally edgy. When in a bad
situation, you're pessimistic, and when you're
in a good situation, you're extremely
optimistic. You're painfully tempermental, and
sometimes it hurts the ones you love. But with
an exciting and stimulating attitude, you enjoy
talking to people and being social. But aside
from your bold and outgoing attitude, you're
attention-needing and attention-getting. This
color is associated with lust and desire--and
you are both lust and desirous. You're a
protective person when it comes to the people
you love. You're incredibly sharp-witted and
powerful (not to mention intelligent!).

What color are you? (Amazingly detailed & accurate--with pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

To a new start....

2005-02-12T19:42:00.000-06:00

I am starting a new website and with it a new blog. I hope that this works and that it would be enjoyed by all.